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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6079
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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I dated a girl who liked to be raped. She only dates rapist

Resolved Question:

I dated a girl who liked to be raped. She only dates rapist and abusive men. She dumped me because I wasn't abusive. When she said no I would stop and that angered her. To me no means no. I don't care what kind of wacko fantasy she has. She will actually set her self up to be raped then tell everyone the guy raped her. Why would anyone do something like this.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

DoctorZ :

Hello I believe I can help you with your question

DoctorZ :

I just want to make sure I understand it all correctly, this girl likes and encourages rape and abusive fantasies during sexual intercourse, but after the intercourse she will actually tell others she was a victim of rape?

Customer:

Yes

DoctorZ :

Does she involve law enforcement at all?

Customer:

Just once

Customer:

She said she was raped once and liked reliving it.

Customer:

Why would you want to relive such a hatefull and violent act.

DoctorZ :

Well her rape and abusive fantasies during sex qualifies as a diagnosis of masochism, someone who derives sexual pleasure from being physically and emotionally abused

DoctorZ :

May ask how old she was when she said she was raped?

Customer:

17

DoctorZ :

Okay, now you know her better than I do, so do you believe her when she said she was raped at 17 or is it possibly a lie? Because from what you have told me she is currently lying about being raped in some situations

Customer:

I am not sure. Tell me if you think I am correct. I think if she can convince herself that she was raped then she has guilt free sex. When I confronted her with that she got a funny look and her face and wouldn't talk to me.

Customer:

She looked angry and confused.

DoctorZ :

Wow, I was going to say guilt and shame could be a cause for her false allegations, so good job beating me to it

Customer:

Ok now is were I get confused. A loving relationship is much more gratifying why would she want that.

Customer:

Could she have a problem with commitment. Or doesn't she take her relationships seriously.

Customer:

I thought she might be confusing sexual gratification with love. Now you see why I am so confused.

DoctorZ :

I apologize my internet connection cut off momentarily

Customer:

thats ok

DoctorZ :

I dont think its a confusion of sexual gratification with love, I honestly think she likes being the victim, whether it is physical abuse from her rape fantasies or emotional abuse by claiming she was raped. She likes to be dominated

DoctorZ :

Now typically this is an abnormal behavior, but not uncommon. But it gets into a psychological disorder when she makes false claims like she has been doing

Customer:

Oh and I don't believe in mistreating people. I am aggressive about standing up for what is right and that must be what attracted her to me she thought I was aggressive all the time. She stopped making the false claims but still likes guys treating her like that.

DoctorZ :

That is a possibility of what gravitated her towards you. It would make sense to be attracted to aggressive and confident individuals

DoctorZ :

That is good that she stopped making the false claims

Customer:

I understand why she started treating me so bad now. I am everything she didn't want in a guy. She is dating some really bad people now and putting herself in unhealthy situations. I wish there was a way to show her what she is doing to herself.

DoctorZ :

Unfortunately therapy would be her only option to help her change her behavior, but judging from you have said I do not think she would be open to that. The problem with these types of behaviors is that sometimes they can escalate and someone could get seriously hurt

DoctorZ :

Hopefully she is taking precautions to avoid that

Customer:

You help me see some things I didn't realize before. She likes danger. She can't swim and I would tell her not to get to close to the water and she would stand so close that she would almost fall in.

Customer:

If I was mowing grass she would step in front of the riding mower and I would just get stopped in time. I don't think these things were accidents. I am wondering if you gets a rush from the danger of it.

Customer:

I she gets a rush not you sorry.

DoctorZ :

It does sound like that to me. It sounds like she really wants to get hurt. I wonder if it is probable that even the possibility of drowning or getting hurt by the mower sexual excites her? This would be an extreme example of masochism and evidence to show that it has escalated for her beyond sexual situations

Customer:

Yes and I now I understand thanks. Now I just need to find out how to convince her that she needs help this is not healthy behavior.

DoctorZ :

That is the tough part, and sometimes it takes a revelation moment for her to realize that

DoctorZ :

I really hope you can get her the help she needs for her safety

Customer:

Thank you. I was sceptic I that you could help me. I think I will try to show her the value of her life and how she could help others because she is really good at caring for elderly people. If she got injured or killed those people wouldn't have her.

Customer:

Thank you very much

DoctorZ :

Anytime I am happy I could help

Customer:

Good night

DoctorZ :

If you have any other questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me anytime

Customer:

thanks

DoctorZ :

I hope I provided you with excellent service tonight

DoctorZ :

Good night and good luck

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6079
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Psychologist
5461 Satisfied Customers
Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.