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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My Brother & Sister-In-Law both exhibit this behavior: 1)

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My Brother & Sister-In-Law both exhibit this behavior:

1) A total lack of empathy for others and they are both very arrogant and very self-centered !
2) A need for total control over others. Things ALWAYS have to be done their way and they both are incapable of doing anything that another person asks them to do.
3) They dish out withering criticism to me and other people but can't accept any criticism from others. The classic case of "They can dish it out but they can't take it."
4) As a punishment for some perceived offense they use the "silent treatment" against me and other people. If criticized they both threaten to "disappear" for a long period of time or even permanently. I have told them that the silent treatment is a nasty form of emotional abuse but,of course,they won't acknowledge this because they can't admit they have flaws.
5) They psychologically project their flaws onto me and others. They have told other people that I have to have everything done my way. As I said above,this is THEIR behavior not mine.
6) They use people until they no longer need them and show no regard for the feelings of others. I recently found out that they tried to destroy a good friendship of mine by telling my friend that "I only do nice things for her because I want to make her totally dependent on me." That was a nasty lie and another example of their psychological projection !

I KNOW that they both have psychological problems. From what I have told you,could you psychologically diagnose them? Btw,in case you're wondering how two self-centered people can stay married to each other for over 30 years it's because my brother IS subservient to my sister-in-law !

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have described the classic symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder. Your sister-in-law is the narcissist and your brother is her main victim (source of "narcissistic supply", as it it is called).

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Narcissists need admiration or control of others much as a mythical vampire needs the blood of others to flourish.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Here are the classical symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and you will plainly see that they match closely.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

This comes from the psychiatric DSM-IV diagnostic manual:

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

NPD DSM


Diagnostic criteria for 301.81 Narcissistic Personality Disorder


(DSM IV - TR)


(cautionary statement)


A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:


(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)


(2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love


(3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)


(4) requires excessive admiration


(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations


(6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends


(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others


(8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her


(9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


You cannot win with her. She is incapable of empathy, meaning she is a sociopath. It is not likely that she will change.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She is using everything, including passive-aggressive behavior (the silent treatment) to break you to her will, and your brother, who is completely subservient to her, will follow whatever she want him to do.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She will not seek treatment or recognize that anything is wrong with her.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Let me recommend an excellent book that will help you to deal with her (them).

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


Reading this book will open your eyes and guide you in the best manner of dealing with them, which is mostly staying away from them.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If I can be of further assistance, please get back to me. May goal is to give you the best help possible.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

 

Thank you.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

You said my sister-in-law is a narcissist and my brother is her main victim.

Does my brother also have,to a lesser extent,Narcissistic Personality Disorder ?

Dear friend,

Thanks for getting back to me.

Your brother is trapped by his narcissistic wife's power over him. He has given his power to her and follows her wills. He is misled and is willing to emulate her. He is probably very traumatized but he is not the narcissist. As long as he gives her "narcissistic supply" she will continue to use him. He earns his secure place by emulating her.

They are not really BOTH self-centered. They are both centered around her needs for control. You cannot expect anything from her. If you expect something from her then you become her enemy. Your brother has been trapped and emotionally enslaved. He dare not do anything other than what she wants or he will lose his 30 years of investment in her.

He does not even think about what he does, but just follows.

I recommend this website and video from the leading expert on narcissism, Dr. Sam Vaknin:

http://www.healthyplace.com/personality-disorders/malignant-self-love/narcissists-victims/

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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