Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this situation that seems to be very overwhelming.
What you described seems to show that you are suffering or very intense anxiety, where your mind creates these obsessive ideation about the possibilities of being victimized and going through a life nightmare of being incriminated and not having the means to protect yourself from such abuse at a foreign country. Most times people could experience these symptoms and develop anxiety disorders from OCD - obsessive compulsive disorder- to phobias, panic disorders and many other conditions, if having a predisposition to suffer of those mental disorders and triggered by concrete life stressors, challenges or problems.
These stressors - factors could have a ground on reality or be fueled by fears from past traumas, concerns or painful situations the person experienced himself or witnessed, whether directly or heard about via any media source. The core of it is the person's psyque feeling powerfully impacted by such events, becoming more vulnerable and sensitive to any potential real life situation where he could find himself undergoing a similar nightmare.
You do acknowledge these fears and ideation are irrational, excessive but find yourself unable to control them, since it is not your conscious mind what produces them, but they come from a more subconscious level, using your emotions and fears to perpetuate themselves.
If you allow these fears to command your behavior, going from these obsessions to compulsive behavior, trying to avoid or reduce their intensity, you would end up enabling the obsessions-fear even more, what would empower the vicious circle of obsession-compulsion. This is why this disorder could be truly tough and challenging, since it appears like if you follow your fears, you would get relief, but in reality you would only worsen the disorder, this is why you need to literally acknowledge the symptoms as a real disorder, confront the distortions they present, and not follow the compulsive behaviors to compensate the anxiety for you not to get more trapped into it.
Does it make sense?
Yes, your experience is tough, you truly feel the way you describe here, but at the same time you know that these overwhelming fears are irrational and extreme, and that's why you need to confront them with reality. This is not an easy process at all, but be sure that your fears would not change your objective reality, but can continue to undermine your mental, emotional health, functioning and relationships, and that's why you need to be this proactive about it getting all the support you can to better cope with it until you get necessary profesisonal psychological support.
Your partner should support you focusing on actions that could truly help you to be and fell better but please do not continue to follow the obsession with compulsive behavior, since that would only worsen the symptoms. If these symptoms continue to be these overwhelming, making it unbearable to enjoy your time there, then you would have to reassess your priorities and consider going back home earlier than planned in order to get necessary professional psychological support, since it is obvious the concrete location is the core source of your fears triggering all these symptoms. Once you get back home, you would feel relieved but do not delay getting psychotherapy in order to process what happened and totally rehabilitate from it, once the core of this situation is your hyper sensitivity and predisposition to develop anxiety disorders, thus you need to work on improving your coping skills, resilience, assertiveness and anxiety management, that way you would not find yourself suffering of this nor of any other similar condition this overwhelmingly.