How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Bill Your Own Question

Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3705
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Bill is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I am a 52 year old female and have been newly married since

Resolved Question:

I am a 52 year old female and have been newly married since May of 2012. During this time, my husband and I have had intercourse 3 times. He thinks he is impotent. We have seen our family MD and she replaced his BP meds, thinking that might be the cause. That was 3 months ago. Because he has no desire for sex, he shows no desire for me at all. We have had several in depth discussions about this. I have already been through menopause and have desires for intimacy and sex...be it intercourse or other. I've asked him to go to counseling with me, but he refuses. Divorce is NOT an option. Please tell me what I'm supposed to do next?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Bill replied 1 year ago.

Bill :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 35 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

Bill :

I am sorry to hear about this problem in your relationship.

Bill :

Are you able to chat now?

Customer:

I am.

Bill :

In situations as you describe- there is often a medically related issue that must be evaluated.

Bill :

This is most typically accomplished by your husband having a complete impotency workup with a Urologist who can determine the exact nature of the issue and make appropriate recommendations.

Customer:

We did that with our MD. She changed his BP meds to one that she thought might not have that side affect. She suggested a low daily does of cialis, but he does not want to take that.

Customer:

and.....our insurance will not pay for "impotency" test or visits.

Customer:

or as they put it...."sexual dysfunction"

Bill :

There are many treatments for male impotency and you should although blood pressure meds may be a factor, there are many other potential factors such as low testosterone

Customer:

That was also checked via the blood work they did. It came back "normal"

Bill :

Any Doctor can provide testing for low testosterone. Ideally, a Urologist is the best Doctor to evaluate and treat this but it is important to remember that millions of men are effected by impotency and it is of utmost importance to get this properly evaluated.

Customer:

We (he) have exhausted all medical testing. I need to know how "I" am supposed to deal with it.

Bill :

How old is your husband?

Customer:

53

Bill :

Okay- if you have had this evaluated...........and ruled out medical causes, let me ask you this.

Bill :

Is your husband able to achieve an erection?

Customer:

no

Bill :

I see that you have had intercourse 3 times-----------was he erect and did he ejaculate?

Customer:

Yes and yes, although the last time he was never "fully" erect.

Bill :

and this was a year ago.........please tell me about his previous marriages -relationships and how they dissolved?

Customer:

He was married twice before and both women had children in the house. It is my understanding that each of them wanted someone to support them. He has never had a child and both of mine are grown and out of the house. He said his first wife went back to her first husband and his second wife went back to live with her parents.

Customer:

He says he has never had this problem before.

Bill :

And he is in great physical condition? Not overweight, diabetic or have any history or neurological illness?

Customer:

No, he is overweight...and yes he did have seizures when he was young....he took some form of medication for them until he was 18, then he stopped. He says he has never had a seizure since then.

Bill :

I understand-- My sense is that if medical factors have been ruled out-- and your husband was erect and able to achieve orgasm within the past year you are NOT dealing with impotence.

Bill :

You are most likely dealing with what is referred to as inhibited sexual desire:

Customer:

I don't know what that means....I'm sorry.

Bill :

The link above explains this in detail and the approaches to resolve.

Customer:

I'm almost afraid to look at it. Thank you sir.

Customer:

Am I able to save this chat?

Bill :

Yes- when you accept and rate the response- you will have a copy emailed to you.

Bill :

Don't be afraid- many couples struggle with this.

Customer:

Thank you again....for your professionalism and kindness. I hope if I ever have another question, you will be available.

Bill :

If he is not willing to get help - you have to educate yourself and if necessary get help for yourself.

Bill :

You are most welcome- I am happy to help and if you wish to contact me in the future- you can simply ask for me in the question header.

Bill :

I wish you the very best,

Bill :

Kindest regards,
Bill

Bill :

I appreciate your positive rating.

Customer:

You got it.

Bill :

Thank you Tamie-have a great day.

Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3705
Experience: 35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
Bill and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education