Hello I believe I can help you with your question and concern.
I am sorry that you had to experience being gang raped when you were a child, I can understand that can have a profound effect on you
The symptoms you are describing are common for a post traumatic stress disorder after a sexual assault like the one you experienced. When you say "you try to relax and go somewhere else" it is a form of dissociation to help you cope
What do you mean go on your account?
Oh okay, well after we are done and you rated my performance on this matter. I can ask the administrators to remove this chat from public record so no one else will see it.
Would that work for you?
Okay, I will make sure to do that after we are done
Can I ask did ever go to therapy to discuss your these issues?
I think your symptoms are a natural result of the trauma that you went through
You may have some subconscious feelings that are making it difficult for you to enjoy sex because of your trauma. Therapy, like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Exposure Therapy, can help you greatly with this.
This thought record is a tool that we use often in cognitive behavioral therapy that can identify possible negative thoughts that are often associated with past trauma, and transform that thinking to more positive thinking
Changing your possible negative thoughts can help you with these symptoms that you have been experiencing
One of the reasons why you said that you "keep your body special" is because you have a difficulty trusting another person in an intimate manner. In addition you may have negative emotions and thoughts because of the unresolved trauma that happened to you when you were a child
So I do think that what you are describing is understandable and not uncommon for the trauma that you went through. The good news is that it is completely treatable with therapy. I would be happy to recommend a therapist in your area that specializes in this area of expertise if you would like.
Here is a link that can provide you with some more information on PTSD
This link is from a psychologist I have worked with in the past and she provides good introductory information on adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse that I believe is very informative.