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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3238
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker.
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Last night my father denied saying some pretty harsh things

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Last night my father denied saying some pretty harsh things to me on a previous occasion. When I reminded my father that he in fact did say those things, he called me a liar and and said I was crazy. My husband knows the truth but refused to stand up for me against my father. My dad is a pretty harsh guy and I can hold my own but I am so dis appointed that my husband never comes to my defense when I need some support. Why is he such a wimp?

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

How did your husband respond when you asked that he support you in those moments?

CoachJenK :

He may just feel that it is a no win situation with your dad if he is this harsh guy. That doesn't make it easier for you to deal with but maybe just a thought as to why your husband doesn't stand up

CoachJenK :

I will wait for you to come online so that we may talk.

JACUSTOMER-jgqm5cd5- : Hello, yes it is true I believe he thinks why bother....but my husband has done this before with a situation concerning his brother
CoachJenK :

his passivity is hurtful but it does sound to me that he feels why bother. how does he respond when you speak to him about your feelings?

CoachJenK :

are you with me?

CoachJenK :

I would like to support you. Let me know if you would like to continue talking.

JACUSTOMER-jgqm5cd5- : Hello, are you back?
CoachJenK :

I am here. waiting for you

JACUSTOMER-jgqm5cd5- : Hello? Sorry had a slight problem. This is unfortunately an ongoing problem with my husband....we have discussed this issue several times and he owns it and says he should have said or done something but of course never does when a situation actually presents itself. this does not happen often mostly because I simply don't want to start something but it is affecting the way I feel about him and I am losing respect for him.
CoachJenK :

I can hear your sadness around it and I hear you losing respect for him around this. It may be helpful to try and understand why he is limited in this way....he may not be able to verbalize the why for you, but clearly, something prevents him from standing up for you even though he would like to.

CoachJenK :

It doesn't make him a weak man, just one that may struggle with standing up to others who are harsh.

CoachJenK :

I know you would like it to be different but maybe empathy for him around this might help so that you personalize it less.

CoachJenK :

especially since he does own it.

CoachJenK :

He just may not be able to do it.

CoachJenK :

I see you are offline again. I will be signing of for the evening but will respond to you when I hear back from you.

JACUSTOMER-jgqm5cd5- : Not sure if you received my response?
CoachJenK :

I responded above. Can you see it?

I switched out of the chat as it seems that there are some technical difficulties.
TherapistJen and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Yes I am sorry I was not receiving your responses on my iPad. Thank you for your help I suppose you are right that I should understand his reluctance to speak up and I guess I should not personalize it but I can't help feeling unsupported especially when he knows I am being unfairly berated. It just hurts and I feel doubly betrayed.
Thank you for your time and comments.
Sometimes the ipad can be quirky with justAnswer.
Try it for a while to empathize and not personalize and see if that can release any of your feelings of being betrayed. Let me know how you are doing.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
ok thank you again!
My pleasure.

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