Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
I believe that I can help.
You are dealing with a woman who is apparently a dangerous malignant narcissist who poses a threat to the safety of your grandchildren. Your son has been crushed by this woman but nevertheless bears responsibility for his children, and is failing as a father and guardian.
I strongly recommend you find the best lawyer in your area, or in your state, if you must, who is capable and willing to mount a frontal assault on this woman and have the children removed from the home, either to you (preferable) or to foster care.
I know that you have made some efforts in this regard before, but you will have to redouble your efforts and leave no stone unturned: child protection, district attorney, local police, county sheriff, state police.
You should consider hiring a private investigator who can find evidence of her abuse or mental incapacity that will hold up in court.
You cannot do too much to protect your grandchildren, and the very first thing is removing them from the home, and if you get the proof, charging her with child abuse, assault and battery, or whatever you can hang on her.
If the big brother is participating in this abuse then he should be charged as a juvenile offender and removed from the home. This will be a blessing for him rather than a punishment.
You can also tell your son that if he does not act you will have him charged with child neglect. Hopefully he will see that he has to take responsibility. The leverage is not to punish him but to wake him up to his responsibilities to protect his children. It is his moral and legal duty and he is failing.
As a result a young life (or young lives) are being crushed.
You have tried everything and you are such a caring grandmother. Now is the time to take off the gloves and go after her with all of the energy that you can muster.
Keep up those prayers. I join you in praying for those children, and for all of your family to be healed.
May God protect your family.
Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
I just made a BOLD call to the Pediatrics Mng. She has made Alerts on the children's charts. I spoke with her gave her all that gave you & as you know "HIPPA" had to be protected -so, I gave all date of births, explaine in detail she gave phone numbers, DHS to call to have them be present with them to investigate & do X-Rays. I know the youngest has arms pulled -out of joint etc. This mother of these children can cry like an actor. Saying that I have been fooled by this, for all these years.She has lied in front of my husband in front of an ER Psyc. when he asked questions, during one of the middle boys, breakdown a- Psyc was called in she told the Psyc. she wanted him committed. The Psyc. said, "You do not want this young man on a Psyc. unit." She said, "Yes I do." Well the Psyc. was sitting with my husband, the dad(our son) & the mom in the room. Psyc. asked many questions, the mom answered with lies, my husband said. "is there Domestic Violence in the home?" NO,she stated. "Is there smoking in the home?" NO,she stated." She insisted in front of this young man that she wanted to have him put away. He said, no. To keep taking this young man to Psyc. Dr. Garabedian,in Stillwater, Ok.. Then, she had him immediately to go to another Psyc. in Oklahoma,City, Ok. Dr.Shawn Khavari, in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Because Dr. Garabedian would not RX, as she wanted. So, then she got her way to "NULL" the one that understood the Verbal Abuse & Habitual Lies etc. with Strattere 80 mg one qd.Lamictal 200 mg one qd, Olanzapine 5mg at QHS. Now, somehow this Psyc. has Discontinued Cold Turkey the Lamictal 200 mg one qd. either the Psyc. did it or the mother which is setting the young man up for a Fall-or a =Breakdown/ Episode. Because of not being Titrated to a stop. Also wanted to state, that she told Dr. Garabedian that she feared for her life with this then,11yo.son. But, she insisted that she have the dad to buy to serious guns for his Bday. And at he time she had a sister living w/ them that had tried to Commit Suicide Twice. I called and told Dr. Garbedian, does that sound like something you would insist your husband to buy, on a school night and drive 45 min. to another City to buy; if you were afraid for your life?" He was Shocked. The mother would not tell me (as a Nurse) which Psyc. he was seeing, said , "it was none of my business.The problem is with that, she drops them off at my home, and didn't tell me he was taking any meds., but this 12yo has been but on new meds.. I am a nurse and no one takes meds. in my home w/o me knowing in case of a reaction. The youngest 10yo Female has to take Thyroid meds(Rare, born w/o a Thyroid) Last week she was staying with me acting Lethargic,asked did you have your med. increased she stated, "Yes." I told her mom, this sweety girl has been lethargic last 2 days, has her meds. increased" She wasn't going to tell me she paused,said why?" Then, she looked at child and said,"Have you taken your medicine like you are supposed to? BUT===YET== she has the 12yo put his medicine in his mouth and swallow and let her see in his mouth before he can go away from her. But, doesn't with the child that has NOT a Thyroid. Well, also found out 3 weeks ago that she had the 12yo this last winter sent away for a week to a home. The 12yo told me she came picked him up after to School, took him to a home in Oklahoma City,Oklahoma. Well, I found that out 3 weeks ago when the oldest 15yo male brother came at his dad Pounding his dad in the back with his 6"4 stature, and going to casterate his dad & saying he was going to kill him: then took after him with a Bat was going to leave or run over him with the pick-up batted out his pick-up tail light.While the 12yo & 10yo are watching scarred to death. This 15yo has also busted the 12yo in the forehead, with a STEEL BAT. Didn't know about that until long after the Fact. She keeps the away, if anything has gone on.Our grandchild seems slow, or dense to it so far.Actually, I am in surgically induced Menopause - so, I lay awake every night with Prayer and Hot Flashes.Started loosing hair the last 6 months. By the Hands full. I can go to doc,but it is stress. I don't take any meds. & am Blessed with a good HX..But, if I didn't have someone in the flesh today; oh, the Lord would help me thru another day, yet, I am wanting to leave on a Jet Plane???? I am shaking all over after finding -out, this child has been stopped cold Turkey. Not sure Xanex,&-or- Prozac to be "BLOWN thru my 118yo house Or be given " I.V.Therapy" is not next or perm. be lying on a Psyc. Couch. Need someone that understands & can tell me I'm not going to loose it.
Would appreciate your time if you would think about this and give me any Names in Oklahoma City,Oklahoma of Attorneys with a Strong Years of EXPERIENCE, AND MANY CASES UNDER THE BELT.