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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I believe my mum has histrionic personality disorder. I am 30, left home as early as I co

Customer Question

I believe my mum has histrionic personality disorder. I am 30, left home as early as I could (I was 18) and since then I successfully kept a carefully distant, yet respectful relationship with my mum. However, I started doing quite well recently and at the same time stopped giving my mum presents and money, because I am saving up for downpayment on a mortgage. My mum started telling my family, that I am the worst thing that ever happened to her and that I have been contemplating to rob her of her flat (at first I asked her to use her flat as collateral on my mortgage - the worst mistake in my life). Now she is completely blocking me out from her life and not allowing me to see her dog, which I love and which I know misses me as well (to be honest, I don't really miss my mum that much). She also drinks a lot and is increasingly difficult to talk to (she hasn't spoken to me for a month, at least she speaks to my sis). Is there anything I can do or shall I leave it to sort itself out?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help.

Customer:

Hello

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You do have a difficult problem with your mother. She may have a personality disorder but it is not likely to be histrionic, at least not according to anything you have so far mentioned.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Hello :)

Customer:

My name isXXXXX are you?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Hi Milan. A very lovely and unusual name. I am Elliott and I am doing fine even after 6 inches of rain.

Customer:

I have actually read some books about sociopaths after our recent experience and found one that I think might fit well but am quite scared of it

Customer:

what do you think?

Customer:

Where are you based/where do you live?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You mums that she may have Paranoid Personality Disorder.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Kentucky.

Customer:

Ahh, very well. I am in London.

Customer:

England

Customer:

There's one more London in Canada :)

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She has unfounded suspicions that she is being exploited.

Customer:

Is there a tornado season now?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Yes, I have lived in Islington and at the Oval.

Customer:

That sounds about right.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Always anymore.

Customer:

Nice. I know we should be talking about my mum ... how much time do you have?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She is preoccupied with unjustified doubts.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I have two others waiting but I will answer your question satisfactorily first.

Customer:

Yes, exactly. she has never stayed in a relationship for long ... longest was with my dad - 11 years, than one guy 7 years, than the recent one - on and off for 5 years - and then 3 years and shorter.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

This is a difficult disorder and may indicate mental deteriorating towards more psychotic behaviour down the road.

Customer:

Anyway - what i am interested in the most is whether I can do anything about it, how to treat her, how to make things right and how to keep a relatively good relationship.

Customer:

Is covetous psychopath one of the options?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She is also self-medicating with alcohol. She may just be very depressed but she seems that she may have an unfirm grip on reality.

Customer:

Because that's what I thought first after I have read a book called "The Sociopath Next Door".

Customer:

unfirm grip on reality also hits the nail on the head

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are probably talking about narcissistic personality disorder.

Customer:

apologies, you have lost me now ... narcissistic personality disorder with regards XXXXX XXXXX ?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She may be a malignant narcissist which is more of a professional term than covetous narcissist.

Customer:

I see. Thank you.

Customer:

So ... is there anything that I or anyone can do?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She has to be in charge and control others, needs great admiration, and does not have the ability to feel empathy for the feelings or pain of others. Is that true?

Customer:

If anyone fails something or feels bad or complains, she gets angry.

Customer:

I mean ... she does say comforting words but doesn't have much patiance.

Customer:

patience

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Its all about her needs and doesn't care for others.

Customer:

needs admiration - yes

Customer:

Well, she has a dog and she loves it. Even pays for a girl to walk the dog.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Narcissists never accept that there is anything wrong with them and no one is good enough or smart enough to help them.

Customer:

But often puts her needs first.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Its not a person. It is a posession.

Customer:

Hmmm ...

Customer:

Sounds scary

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

possession

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

There are many of them around and they are scary.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I have a wonderful book or two for you.

Customer:

It's true that it's a XXXXX XXXXX - very fashionable dog in Prague these days. Something like Luis Vuitton handbags, which she likes to wear :)

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

They are from amazon.co.uk and will help you a great deal to understand and cope.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

The marks of narcissists.

Customer:

please recommend me even more books

Customer:

OH MY GOD mr. Elliott ... just reading the title ... that's EXACTLY my sister!!!

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


What do you mean?

Customer:

That's what my sister is like - she always worries whether she's going to be good enough.

Customer:

always trying hard ad always anxious

Customer:

I mean - my sister.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Sister or mother?

Customer:

My sister is always worrying whether she's going to be good enough and always used to be anxious about it.

Customer:

She's getting better now that she's older.

Customer:

I mean my sister is getting better.

Customer:

I can see some more books recommended by Amazon. some of them have high rating.

Customer:

e.g. this one:


The Emotionally Absent Mother: A Guide to Self-Healing and Getting the Love You Missed
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Try this one:

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :



You will not get her into therapy but you can learn a lot from these books.

Customer:

One more question please. Is there anything I can do to make things at least a little better? The problem is, supported by her ex-husband, who is also quite narcissistic (not malignant though) and who moved back with her, my mum changed locks on her flat last week so we can't visit her anymore ...

Customer:

I see.

Customer:

So basically I should learn to accept the way things are because there's nothing I can do about it ... ? :)

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You can make slow approaches but she will take them as your weaknesses and exploit you. Narcissists need "narcissistic supply" much like vampires need blood.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Because they cannot feel empathy for others, they are considered to be sociopaths.

Customer:

Bad dream :)

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are best NOT to allow yourself to be under her emotional domination.

Customer:

Oh god ... well, thank you for your help.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I shall keep you in my prayers/ Get the books and learn how best to deal with her when you have to.

Customer:

Yes, I see. That's where i have been for the last 30 years ...

Customer:

along with the rest of our family

Customer:

Thank you VERY MUCH. I'll give you excellent rating.

Customer:

Have a great day and let's hope the storm will pass soon.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

May God bless and protect all of your family and find some kind of healing.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Thank you. You have helped with your warm personality.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Have a wonderful day yourself.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Customer:

Thank you. It's been quite wonderfull, we are going to top it off with "Oh Brother Where Art Though" now that the sun is going down. Good luck. You're great professional.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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