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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5459
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I have money issues that I personally feel OKMH0705217

Customer Question

I have money issues that I personally feel embarrassed about it. I have more money than most but I watch every penny I spend. I pay my credit cards in full and will not spend beyond my means. Most people I believe carry a balance because they have to to pay for necessities. At least I know that about my grooming partner. She runs a grooming business. Aside from the business she also pays by credit card for personal. She is financially responsible and pays her bills. For example: I'm feel embarrassed to tell my grooming partner that I cannot spend the money right now because I have big expenses that I'm trying to pay down. She invited me to a grooming seminar and I didn't respond with neither a yes or no just an acknowledgement of her invitation. She doesn't pressure me but I feel pressure from myself because it isn't the first time she has offered an invitation to a grooming seminar. I just feel anxious about money for some reason. Insecure, fear about my future I don't know what it is. I can't seem to relax about it. I feel like I'm cheap because of it. So what do you think my problem might be?

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like the issue could be about control. When someone has anxiety around their own money, it usually has to do with control. You want to hold on to something that makes you feel safe especially if you feel anxious. And if you have money, controlling it so you have enough can make you feel less anxious.

There is nothing wrong with holding back from spending money if you have big debts you need to pay down. That is actually very wise. Most people do not have that kind of control over their own money. But if you are unable to tell your partner the truth about the seminar and you feel embarrassed about your situation, that indicates there is a little more going on than just being conservative about your money.

If you feel anxious about your money, learning to let go is possible. That does not mean you go the opposite way and start spending your money. But understanding why you hold on to it to the point that it bothers you and affects your life as it does can help. Usually we get our ideas about money from childhood. If you went through a trauma, saw your parents/caregivers upset over money or suffered through abuse or trauma that caused you anxiety, that could cause how you feel now. You would want to feel secure. And if money helps you do that, that is what you would hold on to.

Therapy can also help you find out why you feel as you do. In your case, it may only take a few sessions to help you find out why and help you sort out your feelings. You may only need a little insight to help you learn to let go and relax.

You may also want to learn to relax in general to help you. Here are some resources to help you:

http://www.guidetopsychology.com/pmr.htm

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201303/why-we-cant-just-get-rid-anxiety-distress

Keep in mind that you are already aware that this is an issue for you. That is an excellent first step and shows that you have very good insight. Just that alone will help you work through this issue.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5459
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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