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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5524
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hi Kate, I asked you this question before http://www.justanswer.com/mental-health/7ffv

Customer Question

Hi Kate,

I asked you this question before http://www.justanswer.com/mental-health/7ffvv-hi-kate-is-boundary-crossing-meet-male.html

After your answer, I acted as if nothing had happened. He looked a bit shocked and I assumed that it was because I didn't react to his illustration. Later that day, he stood next to me, his sleeve touching mine, while we were cooking.
He always sit next to me, and when he didn't, he always came next to me, to talk to me, or somebody else near me, so I thought he liked me and the illustration was only on my paper.
Not only that, he immitates all my gestures perfectly and I was especially surprised when I saw him folding his hands just like the special way I do it.
And he sometimes blushs while he talks to me.

...So, I felt that he would say something special on the next one-on-one meeting that's held every six months. And today we had that meeting.

He didn't say anything that has nothing to do with the program.
And I also happened to know that he did the illustration on everyone's paper.

Have I been having delusions for all the six months?
If so, why?
How to get back to myself?

I still like him and kept wondering how nice it would be if he were my boyfriend. How to cope with my feeling for him?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, it's nice to hear from you!

It does not sound like you have been having delusions for the past six months. You have picked up on behavior from the psychologist that stands out to you. A delusional belief would be that he liked you no matter what he did. So if he ignored you, you would still believe that he wanted to be with you. But in this case, you are able to list several things you have noticed about his behavior that mimics what you do or seems different than he acts with others. In that way, what you notice means something. But why he is doing these things seems unclear.

It may help you to notice if he acts like he does with you with anyone else. Does he stand close enough to touch others when he is near them? Does he ever sit near anyone else? Does he blush when he talks to other people? If he does these things with others, then it may be a matter of you just wanting him to like you and interpreting those gestures as unique to when he is near you. That is not so much delusional as a normal misunderstanding. Many people in your situation would do the same thing since those gestures and behavior do indicate interest.

What you may want to do is discuss these feelings with your main therapist or another therapist. What you might be experiencing is transference, which is a very common issue in therapy. Many people develop strong feelings for their therapist because of unmet needs. Here is a resource that explains transference:

http://www.myshrink.com/counseling-theory.php?t_id=18

It helps to talk to another therapist because for one, therapists not only have training in transference, but they also understand it is part of therapy. So your therapist should treat it as any other issue you bring to therapy. And talking about this can help you get it out into the open and deal with it, making the connection you feel to the psychologist easier to understand and handle. You can also explore why you have these feelings and how to deal with them. Transference usually comes about from unmet needs from your past so your therapist can help you deal with the root cause so you can feel better. And your feelings for the psychologist may go away on their own.

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5524
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you very much for your answer.


Sorry for a late reply.


 


Well, I've been checking his behavior to see if he is the kind of person who does what he does to anybody else. So far, he never stood so close to anyone else, even when he was busy cooking with other women. I don't know if he never blushes to somebody else or not but he tends to look into my eyes when we talk (both in front of others and one-on-one),
but that may be the way he is. He never mimics other members' gestures because all he does when he is talking in front of others is to mimic my gestures such as scrutching one shoulder(I notice that I do this gesture because he is doing this gesture. So I started checking if he mimics other gestures of mine, and noticed he mimics every single gesture of mine and I was really surprised or even scared).


 


Some things are what he does to anyone, such as sitting near a new member and talking to them at first(but he always comes next to me for whatever reason even if he sits far from me), and he seems to be a little bit self-conscious when talking to anyone so this may be the reason why he blushes when he talks to me.


 


Shouldn't I tell my feelings to the psychologist himself?


I want to know how he really feels about me.


 


By the way, I used to have transference feelings for my therapist (too). This went away without discussing this with him because I forced myself to get a boyfriend in real life(It didn't work out though). I don't think this therapist is the perfect person to discuss my feelings for the psychologist because when I was having sexual feelings for the therapist but never talked about it, he seemed to kind of notice how I feel about him and he sat with this legs open or take off his jacket in front of me and these gestures kind of aroused me more(but didn't happen anything).


 


At least the therapist has never brought this subject up and acts as if nothing was there.


 


Do I need to discuss this too with the therapist or do I need to change therapists? Honestly I'm a little hesitant to discuss this matter to him because he did what he did.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
If you feel uncomfortable with your current therapist because of what happened, you may need to change therapists. You need to have someone to work with that you can be open with and not have to worry about a past history.

You can talk to the psychologist directly, but it might be better to get support around this first so if it doesn't work out, you have someone to turn to. But that is up to you.

Kate
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Can I help you any further?

Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Yes, do I need to tell my therapist the reason why I want to change therapists?


And do you think a female therapist is better for me?

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

No you do not have to tell your therapist anything if you do not want to.

 

A female therapist might be a good choice given what you have been through with the two male therapists you have dealt with.

 

Kate

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you feel your original question and related follow ups have been answered, I'd appreciate a positive rating on the answers I have provided. Thank you!

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi, I have rated your answer "excellent", but somehow it won't be displayed...

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for letting me know. I appreciate it. I will send your question in so the moderators can rate it for you.

Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Ok,
Again, thank you so much for your answers.


I now feel able to cope with my feelings for the psychologist and to move forward for a better relationship.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
You're welcome! Take care

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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Mental Health Professional
5524 Satisfied Customers
Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.