Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
I understand your pain, having lived a similar experience. I believe that you are meaning to say BPD (Bipolar Personality Disorder) rather than BPAD (Bipolar Affective Disorder or Bipolar Disorder).
The cycles keep repeating. When the patient feels rejection or abandonment or a serious insult, whether real or imagined, they get very angry and hurt their closest friends.
You have already broken the NC, but only out of good manners. She has opened the door a little if you want to come back in, but it will always be more of the same unless she gets some extensive therapy from someone who knows what they are doing.
For your own peace of mind, I suggest that you follow your friends' advice. They care about you and see what has happened to you time and time again.'
Of course it is painful, but if you stay away and try to start a new chapter in your life, the pain will go away. You must let it.
It is so hard to let go of someone that you love and to whom you have formed a close bond. If it always leads back to the same stuck place, however, you will be best to let it go.
It makes me sad to say that for I have experienced the same pain. However, as a professional, I know that in the long run it is best to move on with your life and let your pain, and hers, fade away.
I wish you, and her, and your families, great blessings and shall keep you all in my prayers.
Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
If one was to re-engage , ( its like I have an obligation to guide her kids as I see them being damaged if all they have is her- not taking away that I do love her ) but also love myself and my kids, My question is is there a stand out sign that she will suddenly go back into her phase or will I always ALWAYS be second guessing ? I have such belief in myself but I suspect that this could and will be a losing battle... I suppose I just need to be told over and over again I cannot save her if she dosen't want saving ..
Could it be that she is now happy in another relationship and doing the things I mentioned previously ? Would she not just move on and not have any form of communication or indeed send any signals ? Keep in mind there has been no contact since the Birthday wishes to my son and the face book unblocking ( not totally ) and her daughters numerous photos... My fear is that it is her provoking some contact for further rejection ... Heads: Go away and Tails: Come back..... wright now Heads would really hurt hence my apprehension to make contact until there is a clearer sigh the gamble is if she does not send any more solid signs I could lose her...... Please help on this one .. Then I will certainly rate you again .. cheers
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Here is the link for the same book from Collins in Australia:
Stop Walking on Eggshells
Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder
by Paul T. Mason & Randi Kreger
Test the waters slowly. I believe that in you heart of hearts you would rather take the chance and fight and risk losing, than just give up and guarantee your loss.
Try to get hold of the book. It is filled with great advice on relationships with borderlines.
If you quite now you will always regret it, so you will have to fight on.
I wish you great success.