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Dr. A. Rene
Dr. A. Rene, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 16
Experience:  10 years of clinical experience with expertise in trauma related disorders.
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Im feeling quite used in my relationship and want to end it,

Resolved Question:

I'm feeling quite used in my relationship and want to end it, but she tells me i'm an idiot. We've been dating 6 months and i think its time to move on. My question is, why do i allow her to manipulate me and how do i stop that
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. A. Rene replied 1 year ago.

Dr. A. Rene :

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing it is stupid.” – Einstein

Dr. A. Rene :

How do you feel she is manipulating you? If you feel used and do not feel like it is meeting your needs, it sounds like you already know what is best for you.

Customer:

We've dated since mid January has an insatiable appetite for fine things including travel, clothing, exotic resorts etc

Customer:

but whener we meet her friends i'm always introduced as Blake

Customer:

not her friend Blake, or her boyfriend, but Blake

Customer:

her birthday last weekend she first wanted an expensive camera which i bought then she decided she needed a new Pilates chair, which i bought and then she really needed some resort time at a spa

Dr. A. Rene :

So... how do you feel she is manipulating you? If it is not working for you... why do you stay?

Customer:

and then this week she asked if i could fly her to NJ so she could visit her family

Dr. A. Rene :

Do you have problems saying no? Consistently put the needs of others ahead of your own?

Customer:

when i tell her that its not working for me and i'm not feeling the love back, she dismisses me and tells me that she is too busy to txt and say hello

Customer:

but she can text the rest of the world and tell them about what she is doing every 10 minutes of her life

Customer:

i for sure have problems saying no and putting her feelings ahead of mine

Customer:

i don't want to hurt her

Dr. A. Rene :

you may benefit from reading the following books:

Dr. A. Rene :

The Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists and

Customer:

but she consisttenly makes me feel like an errand boy

Dr. A. Rene :

Disarming the Narcissists...

Customer:

hmmm...just googled it...i'll order it

Dr. A. Rene :

they describe a common pattern in relationships where one partner's behaviors (entitled/demanding) are extremely difficult for the other partner to set boundaries around due to their own struggles with codependency...

Dr. A. Rene :

they are both very helpful resources and can help you break this pattern in this and future relationships

Dr. A. Rene :

I personally prefer the "Disarming the Narcissist" by Wendy Behary... but they both are good

Customer:

i suspect that i have mental issues where i know it's happening and i know its borderline abusive on her part, but i can't stop

Customer:

i pray every night that she will find someone else and leave me alone

Customer:

it will hurt me for a spell, but i'll recover and the suffering will end

Dr. A. Rene :

then those books are definitely custom made for you... they will help you stop participating in your own boundary violations

Customer:

thanks Doc...i've ordered the wizard fo Oz and other Narcisissits from Amazon

Dr. A. Rene :

awesome... good luck!

Customer:

if someone claims to really really really love me....do i have to love them back?

Dr. A. Rene :

nope... you don't have to love anyone except yourself

Customer:

thanks Doc...the book will be here in two days...

Customer:

thank you for being on the other end of the keyboard...i feel a tad better already

Dr. A. Rene :

no problem... you're very welcome....

Dr. A. Rene, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 16
Experience: 10 years of clinical experience with expertise in trauma related disorders.
Dr. A. Rene and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dr. A. Rene replied 1 year ago.
Hi Blake,

I'm just following up with you to see if you received your book yet. If so, do you find it to be helpful and meeting your needs?


Let me know!

Sincerely,
Dr. A. Rene
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hello, the book has arrived at the hotel that I’m staying at in Phoenix…I should have it in my hands this evening….thanks for following up

Expert:  Dr. A. Rene replied 1 year ago.
Great! I'd love to hear what you think about it!

Sincerely,
A. Rene
Dr. A. Rene, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 16
Experience: 10 years of clinical experience with expertise in trauma related disorders.
Dr. A. Rene and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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Dr. A. Rene
Dr. A. Rene
Mental Health Professional
16 Satisfied Customers
10 years of clinical experience with expertise in trauma related disorders.