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Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this painful situation you have been facing. It sounds truly overwhelming for you without doubt.
Your words are very clear depicting what a nightmare this job has been for you. It's obvious from them that there is nothing healthy nor fulfilling you get from it. Many people finding themselves in your shoes, do use to remain for a while mostly because of the good money they could make, but sooner or later they come to terms with the fact that it is not worthy at all, sine thy sacrifice their very health and well-being, which could only lead not only to secure unemployment but to chronic and serious mental health disorders undermining every other aspect of their lives.
Thanks well it is responsible for me not meeting up at work for a week now, I mean it can’t go on so what do you reckon? Is there anything I’ve missed here that could be of assistance.
Of course it is much easier to say these things than to implement them, but in real life, it is necessary and absolutely worthy, and most if not all things that are truly healthy and worthy require effort and work, while what is dysfunctional mostly appears very easily or shows its dysfunctional nature right away because of the consequences it creates.
Yeah, that's true or really makes sense at least.
If your job is not offering you the basics you require, from getting a good income and allowing you to feel fulfilled by doing what you do and working at that environment, with the coworkers and management you have, then there is no doubt perpetuating further exposure to worsen your mental health would not be wise. You can control what you do, but you cannot control nor change a dysfunctional - abusive organization, that would not happen unless the very head of it acknowledges core issues and work on changes.
I am going to meet up tomorrow and finish take my vacation and think over it, but what really scares me to death is meeting up after the vacation.
Could you tell me at least one or two good reasons that could justify you staying at that job to make it worthy and to feel hopeful current chaos would dramatically change for good?
I could but I'm afraid they'll sound really stupid.
That ideal approach is to work on resolving issues with immediate supervisor and management, but when people in those areas are also dysfunctional or unprofessional, not truly supporting employees but anything management does, no matter how unhealthy it happens to be, then the situation becomes hopeless for employees.
Would you share those here, I do not believe there is nothing wrong with a valid reason for you,. but you need to reassess how positively or destructively keeping such approach would allow you to take good care of yourself.
First and probably the whole reason I've stayed for this long is to just to go through it, complete it I don't want to be a failure, there's too much shame in that.
I have one year left before I get what I want and can move on, if I quit now I have to start all over again, which desn't sound like a desireable thought really.
I am sorry to know it's been this tough, but have to say that failure is never about taking good care of yourself and avoiding to expose yourself to suffering, abuse, mistreatment, exploitation or any dysfunctional scenario. Taking good care of yourself is your number one need, right and responsibility, that's why it should be your number one priority.
And how long would it take you to start all over again? How long have you stayed there?
I've been there a year now, so if I start over again I'm not sure if I even find a job at all, I have to do that year all over, it puts me back in time really.
I see, then it is a two year period you need to stay and work on getting this complete. Then it would be an extra year that it'd take you. Now the point is this: all the places where you could accomplish this process are as dysfunctional as this one, justifying your hopelessness about no matter how much and many times you try to look for something better it would always be the same?
If there are other places much better than this one, then I do not see how changing and investing an extra year could not benefit you, since it would ensure you complete this process, enjoy it and actually learn from it. Remember, you still have one more year to go and if you are already feeling this overwhelmed, I doubt you would be able to keep going for much longer, you are already feeling too down, so you are risking everything truly worthy in your life because of attaching to something that is obviously very dysfunctional.
My suggestion is that the last chance you have to try and see if they are capable, willing and ethical enough to do the right thing, would be to take your chances and talk with your supervisor. If this person does not do the right thing, then no problem, you would get confirmation that the whole management is corrupted and that such is not a good place for you to remain in. But if he happens to be a responsible and assertive adult-professional, then you would be able to get the support you need. That's the best anybody in your should could do about it.
I believe other places or even something new, different from scaffolding would be a lot better, more like a dream for me. I've thought about that as well, I might even do it there's flaws in going that direction too though, my parents won't be too proud.
For sure I suggest you to get individual counseling in order to get the best possible support for coping and developing further resilience and assertiveness to take good care of yourself, career and life, since it's obvious that you feel very overwhelmed right now.
Then it does make sense. Remember this is about you taking full responsibility for your life, choices, feelings and actions. You are already an adult, a young one, but an adult responsible for shaping your own life and destiny. Life is not about pleasing anybody but being truthful and good with yourself before anything, and it is from there that you would know how to develop healthy - no codependent relationships- and create real meaning and fulfillment in your life.
I will take your advice, thank you about my supervisor he's what you can call greed itself, I do not like speaking bad of other people especially when they don't know about it, but it's that simple every person can figure him out quite easily.
Please get all the support you can get from assertive, healthy and caring people in your life-support system, and consider professional counseling too. You are very young and for sure investing an extra year to take good care of yourself and career is absolutely worthy, while what you do not want to afford is to trap yourself for years or a life time into something you do not like, feel happy with and that does not allow you to be yourself, grow and feel fulfilled and healthy as a whole human being.
I'll keep that in mind. Right now there's little that makes sense, but I'm sure if I go over this conversation a few times it'll get to me.
Thank you for your trust.
You're welcome, thank you as well, you've lifted somewhat of a burden.
You're very welcome. I am glad to know it's been this helpful. Please take good care and consistent action with the right support.
I might as well add that the reason I chose foreign help is purely because I have more faith in professionals outside Norway.
I see and understand, many people do feel the same about local professional support in this area, whether it is because cultural biases, stereotypes, social worldviews limiting chances to get ethical and professional support, availability of good experts and more. I'm glad to know this has helped. You could equally consider online professional counseling then. I feel hopeful you could really benefit from it.
It will be considered, goodbye for now :)
Bye for now :o)