Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.
I can imagine how worrisome this situation must be for you. You are clearly a loving and caring grandma and she is so very, very fortunate to have you and her grandpa there. I can't tell you enough what a wonderful thing you are doing for your grandchildren. There are so many adults who I've treated in therapy who referred to their grandmother or grandparents as the people in their childhood lives that kept them going. So good for you.
This must be very hard on you as well and it's wonderful that you are making such efforts for her. What you write are the right things to do: love and hugs, letting her know she's safe and she'll be taken care of (kids are very self-worried), keeping an eye on her, having people talking with her, getting her father involved. Those are all the right things.
One important thing to add is to have something from her mother that she can keep with her in her bedroom and in her backpack during the day when she goes places (if she wants), like a blouse or a handkerchief. Her mom can then refer to it daily in their phone calls. So, for example, mom can tell her that when she goes to bed tonight, she can give a special hug to Mom's handkerchief and know that Mom is thinking of her as well and looking forward to being back together. This is an object constancy took that can help a lot.
Another tool is to have her mom suggest "joy moments" for her to have during the day. Let's say at first two joy moments. These are moments where her mom wants her to smile at people and do something nice for someone in honor of mom and to help mom feel better until mom gets back. This is training in having her do good for others and making others feel better as a way to feel better herself. A joy moment works best if Mom chooses specific times when they can both have a joy moment around the same time. Then, the next day they can share the joy moment with each other. Example: mom can say something nice to someone else in jail or write a letter to one of the other kids or to her or to you, etc. And your granddaughter can do something for someone that same time. This a connecting activity that can be very, very effective.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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