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My wife from time to time has this irrational behavior, everything seem to be ok, we love each and everything appears to be normal...I would leave home but when I come back later I would find she had packed all her personal thing and left....if I then contact as to know the reason why, she would accuse me of having sold her out by telling someone of something in our private life, which I would never do as it is not in my nature or she would lash out at my faults...we have been together 8 months and I am a loving and caring person, but she has now done this 3 times, it devastates me. Both her previous marriage where very abusive...can u help me understand her behavioral disorder or psychological illness, if any. I write her poems and help her with household chores and our intimate life is amazing.
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this very concerning and perhaps overwhelming situation you have been facing.
This situation is very concerning because of how often these irrational and intense dysfunctional behaviors -patter has been present in such a short period of time.
Hello to you too and thank you for responding.
Thank you for joining the chat.
You have just started your life together as a married couple and for her to present these behaviors shows she does have serious mental health problems, which could be easily related to her past abusive-traumatic marriages.
Yes and that's what concerns me...I would like help but it seems shes has left for good but she stays in cont?
Abuse, specially coming from a parent, spouse or child could be one of the most traumatic experiences a person experiences, and if there is no adequate support system, neither necessary psychological treatment for the person to rehabilitate from such traumas, and the depressive, anxiety and other common disorders that use to arise from such scenarios, then the chances for the person to develop further mental health issues, and from there relationship problems , more dysfunctional behaviors and symptoms are very high.
Victims of abuse, trauma - domestic violence without adequate treatment do develop these different disorders, they truly suffer from unresolved issues and do self-sabotage in different ways, not because of meanness, but out of fear, pain and other negative feelings pushing them to react the way they do.
I understand, she basically carried over into our relationship...but change comes so unexpected and I feel so helpless
People do project personal fears-feelings-issues from past experiences, and yes it is shocking for those in your shoes. this is obviously not because of something you have done wrong but effects from her own mental health disorders from unresolved life issues.
This is very frustrating because as long as she refuses to acknowledge reality, including the serious mental health issues she has from past abusive-traumatic experiences and commits to her rehabilitation process with adequate psychological support, no significant improvement would happen in your marriage.
I feel such a fool and the problem of explaining to friends and family why she left
It is a tough situation for sure, but you need to address it with a very proactive approach, which means acknowledging how mental health problems have been deeply undermining her thinking, mood, coping, marriage and life as a whole.
Mental disorders do lead to any form of destructive behavior against self and others, and good understanding about them is necessary in order to take good care of yourself, effectively cope and offer sound support as much as possible.
I do aproach her like that and feel deeply sorry for whats been done to her in the past, is there a name for this illness or disorder?
Please do keep a clear awareness that this I snot your fault but a very sad reality rooted on her personal issues from past experiences. You could help by being empathetic, understanding, patient, compassionate, gentle and supportive.
People undergoing serious abuse could develop and present diverse disorders, from symptoms of trauma, to depression, anxiety and personality disorders. I think she may be suffering a lot from many of these conditions based on the behaviors you depicted here.
Many times people react in irrational ways when being triggered by subjective experiences, from simple memories to positive experiences that create a negative reaction based on unresolved issues from the past. This is why psychological treatment is so necessary.
In being supportive I would study these as much as I can to be of any help as she refuses to speak to experts
Time itself would not bring real relief but would tend to deepen distortions already present, unless the person gets to work on herself with professional therapeutic support.
I dont think she is comming back though
Psychotic symptoms, from delusions to hallucinations could develop from untreated and severe depression, anxiety, trauma or other mental health conditions. A healthy and caring support system is essential, but without the person's accountability and willingness to work on her own rehabilitation process, not much could change for better. This is very frustrating but real and necessary for you to understand in order to take good care of yourself too.
Please focus on what you can control and do your best about it, while eradicating those things that do not depend on you but on her own awareness, choices, decisions and actions.
I understand and I will seek help for myself...thank you so much for your well appreciated professional advice.
You're very welcome. You are wise choosing to get necessary counseling support in order to take good care of yourself, mental health, to better cope and know how to support her as much as possible. That's the best anybody in your should could do about it. Thank you for your trust. Please continue to be this open and honest with those willing to support you.
Stay blessed and have a good day!
Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX wish the same for you. Take gentle care.