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I believe that I can help.
Are you finding this very problematic and are you both wishing to change this?
I find that it is becoming problematic and she wants to find a way to change. She also say she often can not sleep at night thinking about this issue.
I can imagine that it hurts her self esteem. There are therapists that can help.
Does she have any physical reasons for this? Pain? Lack of libido (no interest)?
Past abuse? Is she taking medications or have any disorders for which she is being treated?
Lack of libido She claim she has never desired sex and did not have sex often during her marriage
Has she been to an endocrinologist to check her hormone levels?
This is something her gynecologist might also check or recommend.
No but she is thinking about going to a doctor and she has already discussed this issue many time with her gynecologist but he does not answer her when she brings this subject up
He is supposed to as a physician. Perhaps he is too timid and she might get better answers from a female gynecologist.
This is an issue important to her overall well-being.
I have not finished. I have just begun to collect information from you.
Do you have any other suggestions
Yes. I was getting to that but first had to get some history. Please be patient. I am a thorough professional who is trying his best to help.
I suggest the following:
There are therapists who specialize in sexual problems who can work with the both of you to find a solution to this dilemma.
Ok I will be patient
They are called sex therapists, and are usually licensed mental health therapists, some with PhDs, who are also further trained and nationally certified by AASECT to treat sexual problems, to recognize physical causes, and who are the most qualified in this area.
Should I suggest making love or wait for her to see the therapist
The best way to locate one near you is to go to their website, AASECT - Member Directory
click on the state and look at the list.
Because she has some anxiety about this, I would wait and exercise your patience. Otherwise, this can make it more difficult and make her even more anxious and withdraw.
If she is not totally comfortable then she will not enjoy herself.