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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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how do one cope when their life is falling apart and there

Customer Question

how do one cope when their life is falling apart and there seems like no way out
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Why do you say that your life is falling apart?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

There are always solutions to life's problems and ways to learn how to cope.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I see that you are offline now, but you will return and I shall continue the chat.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

In the meanwhile, please give me a detailed description of all that is causing you grief, pain, anger, or anxiety, and we shall further discuss it later.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

In the meanwhile, I shall save this chat and exit, and continue later when we are both back on line.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Just provide as much detail as possible and I will address your issues.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Customer:

My marrriage is in a mess and myimmediate problem i beleive would make it worst.

Customer:

  • My husband was seconded to a job/post which is vacant. the secondment ends onthe 6th july. He is being sent back to his substantive post which kind of not existing any more and everyone who can deal with it has not acknowledge our letters and appeal for assistance. My husband refuses to go bk to his substantive so would be unemployed thus losing over 19yrs of service, even the lawyer do not want to file the injunction we request. The situation is stressing me as my husband want to face the court for himself ( he is not lawyer) I am havign problems coping with everything, i cry everytime i think about it, and that is part of my probelm along with not being inthe best of health, unable have a child due to a adhesions after my a myemectomy, feelign uncomfortable in my aprat and needing tomove and cant

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Thank you for getting back to me. It seems that you do have a number of problems and you are overwhelmed because there are too many at once to handle.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Lets take them one at a time.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You had a myomectomy which left adhesions (scar tissue), which is quite painful for many women. You may still be able to have children but it is riskier because your uterus has become weakened. Perhaps another gynecologist can better guide you. It is worth getting a second opinion.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


You are suffering from depression because of the various stressors in your life. You need to talk to a therapist about how to better handle your stressors, and may also benefit from a course of antidepressant medications. One of the best choices is bupropion because it does not promote weight gain or loss of sexual interest. Having an empathetic counselor could also help you with little local problems, such as finding another apartment or getting legal help for you husband.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :



If your husband is going to throw away his 19 years with the company because he stubborn sounds to be a bad and very immature idea. He must do what is best for YOU and him and act like a responsible man and do what a married man has to do to keep his family afloat.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :



If he is not treating you well then you should consider leaving him and living with old friends or family until you can get back on your feet.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


You may have some more issues or wish to ask more questions, and so I will leave this chat open and we can continue in the morning.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

:)

Customer:

About the adhesion, got a second opinion also done a laparoscopy which showed that the entire uterus is embedded in scar tissue blocking both my tubes . corrective surgery is on the cards have to wait for a doctor from abroad and need to get blood which is proving to be difficult at the moment. in the mean time its allot of pain every month staying away from work taking tonnes of pain killers and having my husband say i'm addicted to hot water bottles.

Customer:

My husband sought legal help since January. Its really a case of victimization but we need more evidence to go forward. I ask him to talk to another lawyer but he has refused. He is quite stubborn and even more determined right now to fight them on this own and go to the media to highlight his plight.

Customer:

He is not treating me badly just that there are certain aspect of our marriage he is not satisfied with and with everything going on how is one able to deal with/sort it out. Moving from here is going to cost at least 4 times what we are paying now. Would like to take a mortgage and build my own home but cant get a morgage due to some legal issues in getting clear title to property given to me. Then when that is fixed still may not get one since its would be me alone as my husband may be without a job since he will not go back to his old job.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You must face one problem at a time. Economics is the primary concern. Your husband should either get another job or go back to the original one and consider fighting them from a position of financial strength. Surviving economically is your first issue. He has no right to drag you down as well and she should reconsider how this affecting BOTH of you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If it is matter of principles then I can understand wanting to defend his reputation and his investment of 19 years. However, his family's well-being is his most important investment and he must take care of that first. It is not either/or but rather of getting his priorities straight.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

The next issue will also a legal one: getting clear title to your property and then being able to build on it, once you get your finances back in in order. Unless he works you cannot build.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I know that you want children and you can get the treatment you need. Tell your husband to stop mentioning the hot water bottles because they give you a little relief from a lot of pain. Tell him to get work to that you can afford to get out of pain.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Take these one at a time, and prioritize them.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It seems that the key here is your husband going and and making a living. Even it if is less than before, it will be more than nothing at all.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He is fighting a battle that a lawyer won't touch which is not a good sign.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I shall keep your family in my prayers for the best outcomes to your various problems, and for your relief from pain.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

What happens now?

If you haven’t already done so, please rate your answer above. Or, you can reply to me using the box below.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

 


I do not know what to reply and say

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear Leann,

I know that life has not been as kind as possible to you recently, and I would like to help you sort things out a bit.

My colleague, Kate McCoy, LPC, sent me a letter of support for my answer.

You have three options:

1) accept whatever your husband does, with or without complaint. Just do whatever he wants.

2) find him a lawyer who can either help him or tell him how to best accept his fate. The media can't even stand up for themselves and they won't care about him or help. That is not realistic.

3) find a less expensive living arrangement and make the move yourself and let him follow.

Can you be clear on what else you need. My colleague said:

"Great answer! You were very supportive and helpful. It's not clear what her issue was with the answer. "

If you want a better answer then please focus your question and I shall be glad to help.

Warm regards,

Elliott


Customer: replied 1 year ago.

thats ok


thanks

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Please give me the opportunity to help you and to removed the undeserved negative feedback you put on my record. I am still trying to help you. Please give me more imformation and let me proceed.

Thank you,

Elliott
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

You had indicated that I have many stressors in my life that is resulting in my depression. How do i deal with stressors.


 


 

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear Leann,

I already made some suggestions as to how to deal with your issues directly, one by one. It seems that you are not in a position to affect much change in your husband's behaviour. You cannot make him go back to work or to get proper legal help.

His behaviour changes are the key to your relief from stress. If you want to stay the relationship with him on his terms, then your stress will continue. You will have to either separate from your husband until he gets some more sense and starts acting in a more realistic manner, or you will have to go to your doctor and ask him for antidepressant and antianxiety medication to stop your symptoms.

You actually were the one that indicated that you have many stressors in your life and you listed them. If you cannot get your husband to swallow his pride and go back to work while getting more effective legal help or just dropping the legal case if he cannot win it, then you will continue to have the stressors.

If you are standing too close to a hot fire you have to step back from it or continue to get burned. As long as you accept your husband's approach which is not working, you will continue to suffer. Make the changes or get the medication so you don't let things bother you.

Ask your doctor for an an SSRI drug such as sertraline (Zoloft) and for a shorter term presecription for benzodiazepine antianxiety medication such as lorazepam (Ativan), and see if he or she doesn't agree.

I wish you great success and God's protection.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear Leann,

Thank you so much. May you find the strength and God's blessings. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness and nothing less. .

Warm regards,

Elliott

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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Mental Health Professional
7662 Satisfied Customers
35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.