I dont know if this is the right category but it seems like it is. My sister is totally obsessed in being in a relationship with a man. Her longest relationship was probably 6 months. She is 45 years of age. We come from a family were my mother is total narcissist. We did not get very much attention or were taught some basic human functions. She asks people for favors, with me she thinks because I am her sister then I should do favors for her. Its been a constant issue with her. Our parents bought apartments and both of us were supposed to been taking care of them. She would come up with excuses not to help out. She would disappear. Say that she has plans. She cant say no to a relationship, fearing that the man will leave her. This weekend was it for me. She was remodeling her kitchen, left the workers at her home by themselves and she left town with with her boyfriend. The contractor came to my house and told me that the Granite was being laid down and I needed to come to inspect that. that my sister left town and he wont pay the granite guy until someone comes. I had people working in my house. I told him that if it could wait until she came back. He said no. I must go. I knew this contractor and I really did not want to let him down. I sent my sister a texted messages She did not feel that what she did was wrong. That I just might as well take care of it. I called her mrs high society, She turned to my parents who always defend her, my mom told me there is nothing wrong with doing favors for her. Even when I tell my mom that she does nothing for me. She disappears. She is very unreliable. I cant trust her to come through with something. She is a genius in manipulating people in thinking that she does not do anything wrong. I am tired of her behavior. She thinks because she took me to the airport one time, It entitles her to be right. I don't want to speak with her again. She is total mental case and does not do anything for me. all she does is critique me because I am overweight. She acts like she is better. Our parents are moving to town and there is nothing I can do not to avoid her. please help
Good morning, my name is Ja`Ree. I am a mental health counselor and would like to help you with your question.
It does sound as though your sister takes advantage of you and you willingness to help and that people, including your parents, are enabling her to do this because they do not want to upset her. This is not fair to you and I understand why you are angry and frustrated. It sounds as though you are going to have to be the one to set boundaries with her to enable you to practice some self care which everyone deserves. Your sister is probably not going to change and that is sad. Nonetheless, it is important you learn how to set your boundaries with her and anyone else who takes advantage of you. I would like to help you with some recommendations to do this if you don't mind me asking a couple more questions to give you the best answer. Do you work outside the home? Do you have a husband and children? What do you do for fun? If you would like to talk with me about this I will be online this evening from 6:00 PM EST until 8:00 PM EST and would like to talk with you to assist you with beginning to set some boundaries and take care of yourself. If you want to talk with me about this please just reply to my message and I will respond when I am online this evening. Thank you for contacting Just Answer. Ja`Ree
Thank for responding, I do work outside the home. I am a nurse practitioner. No children or husband. She is the same. For fun I like to do home improvement. go out with friends to eat. I love to travel. my mother I think is the enabler.
I am glad that you have an active life and seem to take care of yourself. I would agree that your mother is an enabler and it is often very difficult to help parents to see how they enable their adult children to behave in an inappropriate manner and not showing respect to others, especially to their parents and their siblings. I am sharing some online material as well as a couple of books that may help you set boundaries with your sister and other family members enabling you to feel more in control of situations that affect your life and feel better about yourself. one online site is http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887323482504578227613937854612.html another one is http://mommynoire.com/14583/set-boundaries-with-irresponsible-family-members/. I would also recommend the book on assertiveness, I have found a good one is The Assertive Woman by Stanlee Phelps and Nancy Austin. Another good website is http://www.livestrong.com/article/195844-how-to-be-assertive-with-friends-or-family/ . I hope you find these recommendations helpful. If you think that it still might be difficult for you to do this with you family I would recommend that you find a counselor you could meet with on a regular basis to help you develop the skills you need to become the assertive person you would like to be and to set appropriate boundaries with your family. If these recommendations are helpful to you please complete rating scale so that I can receive my pay and to assist our customers with the best service I can provide. If you need more assistance, please let me know how I can better serve you before you complete rating. Thank you for contacting Just Answer. Ja`Ree