Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
I believe that I can help.
Can you tell me more about the nature of her lying?
Does she have close family ties?
Does she prefer solitary activities, or perhaps few activities at all?
Does she seem to be affected by criticism or praise? A lot or a little?
Is she emotionally cold, attached, or bland?
Is she feeling this way because she is suffering from depression?
What does she lie about? Is it to make herself look better? Is it to manipulate others? What does she gain from lying?
Does she have empathy for others? Can she feel their pain?
When you come back on line, please answer the questions I have posed to the best of your ability.
I shall exit the chat for now, and save it so that you can resume anytime, whether or not I am back.
It is already late and perhaps we shall get back together until tomorrow early morning or late afternoon. Answer anytime.
I need that information before I can give you the best response, which is my goal and intention.
I wish you a good evening and hope to see you on later.
Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Perhaps you want a mind reader. You can ask for a refund. If you are so impatient as to want an answer without giving the full information, then you are not that patient about helping your sister.
She cannot escape her troubles and have a happy life without being properly assessed, diagnosed, and then being treated accordingly.
You want to help her, you say, but cannot even take the trouble to answer relevant questions about her condition. That does not demonstrate much commitment to her, but now you can say that you have tried.
If you would like to continue I will be happy to work with you to find an answer to your question.
You can answer if you like or give me more bad ratings for trying my best to give you a caring and professional answer.
I am exiting and saving the chat.
Thank you for getting back to me. You did not upset me but rather surprised me. I am only here to help.
Your sister seems as if she has been suffering from very low self-esteem rather than from a personality disorder. This is very encouraging. Past lies are forgotten when good people do good things. She has shown herself to be a good and compassionate friend, a successful student, and has the love and admiration of her family.
There is no reason that she cannot get past this. Much of it is merely a remnant of her past feelings of inadequacy which she is working on with her psychiatrist, who is, I assume, one of those rare psychiatrists who actually practice psychotherapy rather than just giving medications.
People escape their past by creating a new reality of who they are. It seems that she has done remarkable things much more credible than her exaggerations. She has a portfolio of deeds that she must use to continue to lift herself up if she has not yet discovered what a remarkable person she has become.
She needs to keep her focus on the present and the future and leave the past behind. There are many people who are slanderers or just mean spirited, and they will have no credibility in the face of her good performance and current honesty and openness, which she must continue to nurture.
I believe that she has the professional training to understand what it means to be on the straight and narrow.
If it serves her better to apologize then she should, or at least send them a kind note and leave them disarmed.
She will be gone and no longer be the current subject of gossip. She will soon be old news if she is not already.
If she is not being pursued or hounded, then she should just forget about them.
There is no reason that she cannot lead an exemplary and successful life.
Yes. Ignore them and they will go away. She is about to be out of their lives.
They do not seem like a very savory group, in any event, if they are vindictive. These packs of jackals will find closer and easier prey.
Perhaps she set herself up, unwittingly, to be bullied. Now she has done the right thing and walked away intact.
May I recommend a book for her to give her further help?
Here is the very effective workbook link.
She is doing the right thing and she will succeed. Anybody who can make it through law school can reach even greater heights.
She was a minor child 8 or 9 years ago.
She is just starting.
She is approaching the finishing line to attaining a great career and then the next chapter will begin with a wonderful basis for success.
Let her know how proud you all are. I'm sure you already do.
Tell her to forget about it and if someone mentions it she should just brush it off and put it behind her.
She must not let anyone provoke her.
She should start acting like an attorney at a press conference, and leaving those people jabbering to themselves.
She does not and should not ever act defensive again. She has earned that right.
No. Lots of kids do this. Until recently I was teaching at a college and heard some whoppers.
She felt insecure. This was just a way of helping to cope with her inadequacies at the time.
She's not the first to do these things and it is very understandable.
If she is she can reply that it is a personal issue that she would rather not discuss. End of story.
She will probably never even be questioned about it.
She has learned her lesson?
I see her as a woman in need of boosting her self-confidence. Something made her feel rejected or inadequate at some time.
She will continue to grow out of it.
She had already achieved notable milestones and will be adding to them. She will no longer need to boost herself up with fiction when the facts are so much better.
Her time will come for those other successes. Right now she needs to be focused on attaining that license.
That is overblown worry and she needs to stop this negative thinking.
This is obsessive thinking and her psychiatrist (or another psychotherapist) can help her, as can this other book that I highly recommend:
Which could have contributed to her feeling inadequate.
Anyhow, here is the book: same authors as above but a very different book:
She has done amazing things already. Keep encouraging her and telling her to put the past where it belongs. It will fade smaller and smaller as she forges ahead.
My prayers are with your family for success for all of you.
You are so welcome.
Thank you. :)