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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5763
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I am torn in between two sides and must take a decision rapidly.

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I am torn in between two sides and must take a decision rapidly. I work as a manager for a day care centre. Staff, patents, kids and governors love me very much, they all appreciate the hard work, my relationship skils etc... However, I have decided to become self employed because I wanted more emotional and physical freedom. (Although my job is very successful, it is extremely emotionally and physically draining.) I opened a new business and I announced that I wished to leave in order to look after my children in a more relaxed manner ( I currently have a very tight schedule and I come home quite spent). I was really looking forward to all the joys self employment can offer. On the other side, my employer is very upset to see me leaving and is ready to give me everything I want for the sake of ne staying. They said I built up their business and it would really affect the reputation and the success of the place if I were to leave. They know they can find good people to take over but they want me to stay. They are very distressed about it and begged me to stay. A few good staff members want to leave if I leave and some parents are even ready to take their kids out. I really feel bad but on the other hand I really want a stree free life, I can work without putting my full heart. How should I go about it?
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It it often a difficult decision when you have two sides that appear equal. On one hand, you have a job that you are very successful at and the employer is offering you anything you need in order for you to stay. You have a solid track record and are loved by those you work with and those using your services. Your leaving would cause problems for those you leave behind.

On the other hand, you have a desire to leave a job that has left you exhausted and that takes time away from you and your family, things that are important to you. You want to be on your own and enjoy more control over your life. You also want to spend time with your children, who will not be young forever. So that time is important.

When making a decision like this, which is life changing, it helps to do two things. First, sit down and make a list of the pros and cons to your decision. Be honest and open about what you feel are the points to each side. Talk to someone you trust about the list and see what they think as well.

Secondly, decide based on what makes you happy. You mentioned that you want to leave to make yourself happy. You feel that leaving would bring you the joy and slower pace you crave. It would also bring you time with your children, which is important and time to enjoy your life. But leaving would make others unhappy. The key here is what is more important- your happiness or their happiness? Your employer getting their needs met or you and your family getting what they need? When you look at it that way, the answer seems clearer. That line can be cloudy if you are a giving person like you seem to be. You want to be happy but you also want others to be happy as well. But in a situation like this, someone needs to be on the losing end. That is what makes the decision so difficult. So you sometimes need to put yourself first. You cannot live your life for others.

When you look at both points, see what you feel works for you. Block out what anyone else wants. This is your life and what works for you is what counts in the end.

I hope this has helped you,
I hope my answer was helpful to you. If you have any more questions, please let me know.


May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thanks for your answer.
It is much clearer now. How can I avoid them going into negotiations. They will again offer me extra staff and higher wage but as you understood well, this is not what I wanted. I really want my total independence. What can I tell them to avoid them to convince me. Unfortunately, because I hate confrontations of disappointing people, I know I will end up giving in. They are very strong (in a good way), and I don't know what to tell them to stop all arguments.
You're welcome!

If it all possible to just avoid the negotiations, then do so. But if you have to go, then try to prepare yourself for any argument they may have to keep you. Have someone help you if possible, a friend or family member who can act as your employer and help you practice your responses, just as you would do for an initial interview. But if you are prepared, you can steel yourself against any avenue they may try in order to get you to stay. That will make it hard for them to convince you.

Also, list your reasons for wanting a change. Keep a photo of your children nearby or with you. Focus on the good that will come out of quitting. And remind yourself that their disappointment will pass while yours would not if you stayed in the job to make them happy.

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