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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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My boyfriend of a 1 year and half is 32 years old and I just

Resolved Question:

My boyfriend of a 1 year and half is 32 years old and I just found out he just got engaged to an 18 year old who lives out of state. I am 36 and confused of why a 32 year old would be interested in a 18 year old child. I am devasted and confused by this. I am not sure how to confront him about this. Please help
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this overwhelmingly painful and shocking reality you are facing.

Customer:

I am seeking advice on how to confront him about this. We have had a great relationship and this came to me as a shock. What is the best approach.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

His actions are showing you that he has not been truly honest towards you about his feelings, values and expectations. Obviously to find out about them this way is traumatic for most people in your shoes, but there is no other healthy option here but to come to terms with reality and start working on your healing process, since you need and deserve to take good care of yourself and have a life partner who respects and truly cares about you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You said he is already engaged to this other woman, that it is a fact, what means the commitment you though he had with you was not real for him. Your confrontation should be focused on expressing how you feel and what you think of it, for you to be able to process all the painful and negative feelings triggered by this situation, what would allow you to work on healing from it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Expressing all your feelings and having the chance to go through the ending of something that has been that important to you are essential for you to process this tough life experience, and move on stronger and wiser from it.

Customer:

He just got engaged a week ago and I just found out about it. She lives several states and we spend almost everyday together so I am confused as to what type of relationship this is. I think he may have met her online. This whole situation is just startling.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Unhappily there is no way a person could have control of hos honest and real a boyfriend or partner happens to be. many times red flags appear showing things are not that healthy and real, while other times people could play roles and be so skillful manipulating and being dishonest that shocks like this happen to be the way people awake to reality, and start to know much better the other person, the real person-ego behind the role they portrayed.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Be %100 honest and direct towards him, express what you feel and think and get all the support you can from caring family and friends in order to heal from this period in your life. It's obvious that this person does not deserve your presence in his life and wasting any more energy and life in him would not help you at all.

Customer:

So you are advising me to confront hime face to face and let him know I know whats going on. The other part to this is that he and his family owes me a large sum of money that i gave them for their business and now I need to try to recover that somehow.

Customer:

I feel completeley betrayed and deceived by this situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely. I am sorry to know you have given this person and his family so much money, you would have to get all the legal support you can to try to get back as much of that money, since for a person who has been dishonest like this in the relationship, would do the same in many other areas most of the time.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You feel that way because that is what in fact has happened to you,and when emotionally there is nothing you could do about it but to confront him, and focus on healing from it, at the financial level you need to do what you need and want to do to recover the money these people have taken from you in case they refuse to do so.

Customer:

at this point I think i need to confront both he and his family. they are condoning this engagment to someone barely legal yet that are ok with taking money from me and they call themselves honest people?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You bet, and that's why you need to get sound legal support to know your rights and the best approach to take as soon as possible.

Customer:

this entire situation sickens me. I will seek legal advise and confront all parties.

Customer:

I am also thinking of letting her know that he has a girlfriend as well. She is young and doesnt even know about life yet.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please do so,and get all the support you can from your support system (caring and mature family and friends)

Customer:

I am just confused of if he was going to cheat, why get with someone so young?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It's a very serious and sad situation, and I am afraid these are very manipulative people with serious distorted ways of doing things, that's why you need all the support you can get to effectively cope with it at the psychological and legal levels.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

No way to know that, you just know he has been totally dishonest towards you and taken your money using the romantic relationship you had, which is just very sad and unacceptable.

Customer:

their views seem completely twisted to me. I will seek legal advise before I confront them.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I support that.

Customer:

I just want to make use im protected first

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely, and in this case you need to do it if you do not want to afford further abuse you could prevent if with the right support .

Customer:

do you recommend the best approach to confront them on this

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I suggest you get your support from your family and a good attorney first in order to prepare the best plan to confront them.

Customer:

any other suggestions

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Look for individual counseling as soon as possible for you to process this tough situation, heal and grow from it, so to prevent further damage in your future from the impact it may have on you.

Customer:

thanks for your help

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're welcome.Thank you for your trust.

Customer:

thanks

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you. Please take gentle care and consistent action with the right support.

Customer:

will do

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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