Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
I believe that I can help you.
You have POSSIBLY been very inconvenienced by somebody's lack of organizing abilities or by not yet finding the key to their whereabouts.
It is possible they were destroyed, but more likely they are just misplaced.
I know that the last thing in the world you want to do is to walk away from this situation, but I strongly urge you to take a break. Get in the car and go to the park and take a walk, or go for a swim, or go watch a comedy (but not at home).
Right now, before you take that break, go into your bedroom and punch your pillow. Also, put your face into it (to muffle the sound) and scream and yell until you are finished.
I also find this kind of work very maddening, and once had an IRS audit, years ago, and so I understand EXACTLY how you are feeling. However, here I am, a survivor of bureaucratic torture (worse than water-boarding), and you will survive this one way or the other.
When you get back from your time off:
-call your cousin and ask for her or his help because of the situation you are facing.
-call the professional organizer and explain your situation and ask for their help-start going through each file, very carefully and systematically, just in case it is misfiled or in case you overlooked it before.
Perhaps some of the information belonged in more than one category and was filed under the one that you did not expect.
Don't skip the break. Keep your blood pressure down. You have to be calm for the new job tomorrow, and one way or the other you will get through this. You don't have to drive yourself to high BP or a panic attack.
Stay away from caffeine and diet drinks as they will make things worse.
Don't return to this work until you are feeling calmer.
You may be prone to panic attacks. You have had rapid heartbeat in the past and that may be no more than a form of anxiety called panic attack, even if you do have heart problems.
If your doctor has given you any antianxiety medication (Ativan, Xanax, Klonopin, or diazepam) then this would be a good time to take a dose according to directions.
Keep yourself calm as best you can. Taking long deep breaths can help as well. The calmer you are, the better able you will be able to search and think through this situation.
I wish you great success and shall keep you in my prayers.
Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX advice. I get so angry these days - unfortunately it is for very good reasons: