Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
I believe that I can help.
Your marriage sounds like one that no longer functions and just continues on inertia.
You say that you guess you love hims because you wouldn't divorce him. Perhaps you are just afraid of change and what lies ahead beyond this marriage.
He doesn't seem to like you and the only good thing I hear about this marriage are distant memories.
You seem to be very stuck and are afraid to move forward towards either reconciliation by seeing a marriage and family therapist, or just ending it with divorce. You are using up your precious allotted days of your life in a very unhappy situation and unless you change it, you will resent him more than you already do. You say he is very sensitive - but only to his own needs and desires, not to yours.
This is no way to live your life and you must take action with therapy or legal separation or divorce, it you can afford it. What you have now does not seem worth much and is destroying you.
I wish you great courage to do what you have to do. I suggest therapy. If he does not want to go, then it means that he does not care and you have to take the remaining path, or just continue to stay in this unhappy marriage until you are completely overwhelmed. You seem to be close to that stage already.
I shall keep you in my prayers.
Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Thank you very much. It is very shocking to hear but I think I didn't want to admit it. If I suggest him to seek councelling from you, would it be o.k. I feel that I need to work on it. I think I failed to mention that he is as bothered by the fact that he cannot function sexually as I am. Though, I made peace with not having sex and I would accept affection and positive reinforcement, he is afraid of showing me affection because he thinks that he would tease me. It could ba a compensation if he would contribute to my being wanted and desirable.
A Christian in distress,
Believe me. He's been to many urologists and did all kind of tests, but the blood flow is leaking somehow. He has tried needles, cialis, etc to no avail. He is very conscious of his problems and I know he would like to be normal meaning that he would love being aroused by a woman (maybe me, I don't know anymore). I talked to him about seeing a psychologist or a sexual specialist and he is all for it. What do you think?
Thank you for your help.