I know what you mean about feeling like I owe him something and needing to focus on my own needs. I don't think he's a true narcissist but he does lack empathy at times.
I have been working on myself a lot and have been trying to build myself up. I just get really vulnerable sometimes. I think it's partially due to the fact that I don't want to throw all these years away and that I lack strength sometimes.
I am trying to work on that. I've decided I'm not going to talk to him until he calls me but the issue is that I'm really angry right now. I can't believe that he would treat me like this. He's expressed how proud he is of me, made a speech at my family dinner, but then he just shuts off.
I'm tired of being treated this way.
If I did take him back, I'd want to get married in the next 18 months, but I'm afraid that I can't trust anything he says based on previous behavior.
I don't know.
I know I should be looking for a job right now and have put only half-hearted efforts in partly b/c of distress and partly b/c of family visits, etc.
I guess I'm saying that I'm pretty certain he'll call me sometime next week. If/when he does, how should I react? Should I set ultimatums? Should I tell him I'm kind of tired of all this and not sure how much more fight I have left in me? I'm just not sure if I can trust him. Waiting around no longer feels emotionally healthy.
I do want my needs to be met and I've been trying to express that but to no avail. I'm just not sure how to proceed.
I'm torn between breaking up for the sake of pride and putting my extremely fragile heart back into his hands, hoping that he'll do the right thing. Neither option sounds great.