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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5419
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Please help! My 26 year old daughter has disconnected me from

Customer Question

Please help! My 26 year old daughter has disconnected me from her life, she won't give me a good reason, no matter how many times I try to call, text, email and even tried "friending" her on FB (which she blocked me from) when I do get responses, they are things like, I never contact her unless it's a birthday or holiday, and she doesn't want to be hurt anymore (not sure where that comes from) I don't care about her, etc. Crazy things that are untrue and make no sense at all. He boyfriend and father of both of her children wouldn't allow me to be with her when she had their 2nd child (I was right by her side for the first on 6 1/2 years ago and she was even on my insurance) I haven't been able to see my granddaughter since just before her 2nd birthday and have never been allowed to meet my grandson. Now she is getting married in Oct and has invited my youngest daughter (18) to be in the wedding, but I'm no invited. I'm not a horrible mother, I love my children and this breaks my heart. My youngest still lives with me and we are very close. I don't know how to fix this . . .I've kept all the emails and messages my oldest daughter has sent and read them often trying to make sense of it all. What should I do?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It can be very difficult when someone shuts you out of their life and you don't know why. Not communicating with you is making is harder for you to know why your daughter is upset and how you can address it.

The only thing that is clear is that your daughter feels hurt about something. Whether it is something real or a misunderstanding is unclear. But if you do have that one piece of information, you can build on it to try to communicate with your daughter.

If you have not already, try writing her through email, text or letter and let her know that you love her, care about her and that you are sorry for whatever she is upset about. Let her know that you are not aware of what it is that is hurting her, but you would like a chance to find out so you can fix it.

Another way to communicate with your daughter is through your youngest daughter. If you are close to her and your oldest daughter gets along with her as well, you can ask your youngest to talk to your oldest daughter to see if she can find out more about why your oldest is upset. You can also see if your youngest is willing to act as a go between to see if she can set up some kind of communication between you both.

Also, you can offer to meet in therapy with your daughter. If there is someone neutral there who can help, your daughter might be willing to talk to you. Tell her that you can continue to see the therapist together so you can work this out. Or you will see the therapist alone so you can work on whatever the issue is your daughter is upset about. If she sees you are willing to take her feelings seriously, she might be willing to talk.

If all else fails or you have tried these things before and they did not work, the only thing you can do is to keep trying. Write her, send cards and photos and encourage your youngest daughter to keep trying as well. Eventually, she should work through this and get back in touch with you.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
I hope my answer was helpful to you. If you have any more questions, please let me know.

Kate



May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hello and thank you for your answer, I have done everything you suggested, as mentioned in the orginal question. The only thing I haven't been able to do is communicate to my oldest daughter through my youngest daughter as she doesn't want to get in the middle, and the whole thing "stresses" her out. My daughter also lives in Kentuck and I live in Indiana (5 hr drive) so although counceling/therapy would be a wonderful idea and one I would LOVE to try with her, it's not really an option at this point. I would be happy to send you all the emails and messages we've sent back and forth, maybe you'll read something I just not catching.


Thank you,


Dawn

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
I am sorry to hear that my answers did not help you. At this point, it may be a matter of waiting it out and to continue trying with her. You were pretty clear with what you have tried and the suggestions I gave you were the best possible answers to what is going on between you both. Sometimes it is best to let go of what you cannot control and to allow time to heal some of the wounds. Her circumstances will not always stay the same and someday soon she may decide to talk to you again or at least let you know why she is acting the way she is with you.

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5419
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you - this is the same advise I've been given by everyone else, and I guess it's really the only thing I can do.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
You're welcome. I am sorry that I could not provide something different than what you have already been told. It might be helpful for you to consider therapy for yourself, just to give you support and help on how to cope with this difficult situation.

My best to you,
Kate

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