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I live with an alchoholic who is in treatment drinks less daily but several times a week get's drunk anyway with the excuse of parties etc...he is verbally abusive and get's angry for little ,of course I'm the one who is ill!! he must have a mental disorder due to long term drinking..I's a shame as we are in love and have projects..b..I have told him to leave come back when fit...we are a new couple 60 together 2 yrs.. solving economical problems and trying to get him onto his feet..progress has been enormous he has made a documentary after years where he did nothing but drinking and is altogether better.... every week tells me he wants to leave and that he owes me nothing etc etc...the moment afterhe tells me I'm the woman of his life etc.. I give too much and have very little return..so I think our couple will never work...there will never be calm trust etc,,it's all very tiring and I now wish to think about myself...I'm a sculptress and these two years have not managed to work...thank
Welcome to the site.
I am Dr. Kaushik and i believe i can help you with your problem.
First and foremost i will like to empathize with you since it is really tough to co-exist with an alcohol dependent person because alcohol invariably effects one's mental condition making him / her temperamental , dis-inhibited and abusive and most essentially oblivious to one's own priorities and duties in life as a result of which the quality of life of the person and of his spouse suffers gravely and pushes their life to regressive state.
I am sorry to say this but the exact same scenario can be seen in your situation where in although he is trying to make some efforts to overcome his addiction but it still seems like he has a long way to go and unfortunately he still feels that his addiction is not his but your problem which is a wrong mind set and is going to cost the relationship.
You see his rampant unprovoked mood swings that you have been observing are nothing but implications of the alcohol on his mood and cognition / thought process which speaks strongly about the level of his dependency.
So the reason behind my detailed explanation about the dis-advantages and intricacies involved in alcohol dependence and abuse is to provide you an insight about your standing and precarious future in this whole scenario because your boyfriend is still abusing alcohol albeit with some improvement in his intake but becoming sober still seems to be a far - fetched reality.
So i reckon that you have to take matters in your hand and give him an ultimatum that he either needs to go for rehabilitation / detoxification with complete abstinence to be attained immediately or else you shall start thinking of a life away from him since you are also getting sucked into this vicious cycle of his alcohol abuse which have already taken away 2 precious years from you and some more years are likely to get wasted if he still continues on life this.
All in all i am asking you to do a deep honest introspection about what have you gained from this relationship so far and whether he is going to do any better in future by turning around his life for good , if not for his sake but for your sake and for the longevity and survival of the relationship. After this is done you got to be strict with him and give him a time frame within which you expect him to clean up his act and give up on alcohol for life or else you will be forced to end this and concentrate on your own future.
Also i will like to mention that there is a drug called as Acamprol ( acamprosate) which is known to reduce alcohol cravings so you shall discuss this drug with his doctor for his use so as to bring a closure to his craving for this substance of abuse and this shall help him in giving up the alcohol addiction.
I hope this helps.
Wish you all the best.
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Thank you doc..ultimatum has been given twice in two years, now also....he is under treatment takes medecine etc...what I'm wondering is if all these years of drinking has not altered his brain I think maybe he is psychotic...as even if he doesn't drink when he is just tired he goes off in delirious and violent monologues.doesn't even listen and even a small comment is enough for him to be very angry...obvious I must think of my welfare but it's a shame as I see so many qualities in this man and still love him for what I can see inside...too much love on my part true can impeed his taking responsability..
Well you see alcohol dependence / abuse can actually lead to precipitation of a psychotic disorder therefore his behaviour needs to be evaluated for a possible psychotic condition from a psychiatrist because you see if he is having some of the elements of psychosis then his drug regime shall have to be revised to suit his conditions plus it will throw some light on why he has been behaving indifferently towards his priorities and the relationship which for any sane person should come first than the rest. So it is essential to get this evaluation done since alcohol induced psychosis is not uncommon and once it occurs it invariably impairs the person's judgment thereby forcing him to take some stupid decisions in his personal as well as professional life which have the potential of destroying the person's quality of life.
I hope this helps you to see the bigger picture.
thanks by the way my daughter in dublin wrote an article on online psychological aid...she graduated at trinity college in ireland and now works there..but of course a daughter is a daughter and not Always objective..bye and thanks