Welcome to the site.
I am Dr. Kaushik and i believe i can help you with your problem.
Well you see the symptoms that you are enduring right now are part of your underlying anxiety and are not related to Ativan. In fact it is Ativan that has kept your symptoms at bay after you have weaned yourself off the anti depressants otherwise your anxiety would have overwhelmed you and caused gross decompensation and functional impairment long time back, so i reckon please continue on Ativan.
Also i must address here that you have been keeping well on a low dose of Ativan ( 0.5 mg / day ) so this by all means is a very small price to pay to keep your symptoms away, so why not stick to a drug which has been successful in the past.
I will also encourage you to give up on your pill phobia which you have developed based on your few bad experiences with the anti depressants as one cannot generalize all drugs due to poor tolerance with some of them, although you seem to be overly sensitive to the drugs so what you need right now is a drug which has maintained you well without causing any ill effects and that drug has been Ativan all along. So if the need arises in case of overwhelming anxiety despite you being on regular dose of Ativan , then you may take an additional Ativan 0.5 mg as PRN that is on as and when required basis.
Kindly continue on CBT , meditation.
Some natural therapies which shall assist Ativan and CBT in controlling your anxiety levels and infusing tranquillity to mind are-- Wild lettuce supplement at dose of 30-200 mg shall be used before going to bed and this is known to mitigate stress/anxiety as well.
I hope this helps.
Wish you all the best.
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