its a long story, but my dad was diagnosed with a hypoxic brain injury
and alzeimers in October. This was after he separated from my mom after 51 years of marriage because she is crazy. always has been. literally. verbally and physically abusive to him, and me and my sister. I believe she is borderline personality as well as multiple personality and paranoid schitzo. She has never been to a doctor because everything is everyone elses fault. At any rate, he finally got away, but then over took his clonazepam one night without his cpap and got a hypoxic brain injury. He is somewhat better now, but still memory is bad, he went to an Assisted living facility, but she had him convinced that life was better off at her house, and so she kept picking him up for the nigh until he was just living with her again. He cant remember why he left.. that part of his memory is lost, however.. she is still abusing him calling him a fat ass, tells him to quit shitting himself etc.. that is the background. adult protective services was called and they were both perfect as pie for the investigation so no case was opened.
My fiancé and I have tried to visit my mom a couple times, most recently we went over to have my mom have one of her " flip out" episodes, and call me a shitty mom to my kids, i'm destroying dad.. and on and on. My dad just sat there with his hands over his ears not wanting to hear her yelling. My fiancé and I left and have vowed not to go back. The problem with this is that my dad cant drive.. so I cant see my dad anymore because I will not expose myself to my moms psychotic behavior. I try to call, but she intercepts phone calls. I can e mail if it is a day that he remembers how to use his e mail. The botXXXXX XXXXXne is for my own mental health I have to in a sense pretend he is dead. Though I would be there if something were medically wrong, on a day to day basis I think about him, and I send him an e mail to let him know this, not really knowing if he ever really reads them.
My sister. (who has just recently reconnected with my mom after not speaking with her for 3 years) due to my moms mental illness. is now the "perfect " daughter. though she lives in LA, she flies in, stays with them, organizes their home , takes them places, shops with my mom etc.. She tells me to suck it up for dads sake.
She has a different relationship with my mom, (though she has also been abused and seen her meltdowns many times). I am not willing to keep putting myself throught that torchure. Most recently. My son (oldest ) graduated from college, my parents decided to start paying for an apartment for him.( he never asks for help, and does work a full time job). My other son (younger) found out what my mom did
for his brother, and although my younger son works also, thinks its unfair. THis is just one example of how my mom loves to devide people. She tells people behind their backs she wishes they were dead, she pits my kids against each other. causes my fiancé and I to fight, and now my relationship with my sister is dissolving .. when my sister comes into town alls my mom does is tell her what a piece of crap I am that I wont come see my dad.
I know that my dad loves me and I love him. He was doing fantastic on his own, happy, losing weight, and we would see him all the time until this brain event. Now, my mom looks like the marter to her friends, because she rescued him, and of course has " no idea" why he would have left in the first place. It was his memory she is sure. (whatever) the night my dad left she had a broken bottle and he had a kitchen knife. luckily he put the knife down and picked up what he could and drove away.
The reason i'm e mailing I guess is for some kind of validation that im doing the right thing. I mean .. I don't have to answer to my sister or her way of handling things.. She can think what she wants about me. I don't judge her , or her life, or anything about her. It is not my job to judge.. My sisters spouse has been phsycially abusing her for years and is a raging alcoholic so I feel that she is easily trapped in the co dependent role.
I am getting married in sept. and have no idea if my mom, dad, or my sister will even show up at my wedding.
Its a lot for sure. My sister just e mailed saying she knows she is right by how she is acting. and for me to even say to treat the situation like dad is dead is the most selfish pathetic thing ive ever done.. (nice)
please help w/ any advice.