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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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what is normal sexual experience for a child?

Customer Question

what is normal sexual experience for a child?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear Toes,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Hi and how are you. You have asked a very broad question.

Customer:

hi elliott.....................

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Let's try to narrow this down to gender and age and what activities we are talking about.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Sexual awareness happens at a very young age.

Customer:

I guess I'm wondering..............what would be appropriate for a, say, 6 year old to know and do?

Customer:

I'm disturbed by some of the things that Baby has been writing in our journals lately

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Today's 6 year old probably knows way too much for what he or she should.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Ahhhh. Baby.

Customer:

she's done some pretty awful stuff

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Baby may be 6 years old but there is a lot of adult in her. I think that she has been exposed to all kinds of knowledge inappropriate for a girl her age, but now the door has been opened and you cannot un-ring the bell.

Customer:

very true

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you criticize her about it she will only want to do it more.,

Customer:

ok.....................that makes sense

Customer:

I guess I'm just having a rough time dealing with her at the moment

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

How you react to her, you vocal tones, your choice of words, you expression, and your body language will give her her earliest lessons in sexuality. .

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you do not respond with anger or strong disapproval you teach her that this curiosity about her body is a normal part of her life. She knows a lot already.

Customer:

ok.................I'm just............................disturbed

Customer:

I don't like anything even remotely..............se*ual

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She started learning her gender identity at age 2 or 3, and what roles are expected of a woman.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What is the most disturbing things she does?

Customer:

well...............she makes her doll touch me

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You don't like it because you were abused. You don't even like to write the full word "se*ual".

Customer:

I know.....................

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

But baby is different.

Customer:

ok

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She is not afraid of it because she was not abused.

Customer:

then why is she doing such awful stuff?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She is a personality that is not disturbed by it and can grow up without the effects of that trauma.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What is she doing?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It's ok to say.

Customer:

touching me...................touching her doll

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

That is normal.

Customer:

it is? but I don't like it

Customer:

she makes me feel yucky

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Even kids in diapers touch their genitals when diapers are changed, and little baby boys sometimes have erections.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Do you want her to feel disturbed about human sexuality?

Customer:

.......................................................

Customer:

idk

Customer:

I guess not

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

That is in all the child psychology books.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Do you feel that your response is normal?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It is your norm and is what you do, but is it socially the norm?

Customer:

no, I know it's not.........................

Customer:

probably not

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

And if you eventually lost that distaste for what God has given us (or nature) in order to continue life as we know it, for all species, then you would be in the bigger flow of universal life. Procreating, being born, living, dying

Customer:

I'm sorry, but that just sounds.............weird

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Today is father's day. My children came from somewhere, and they were not delivered by the stork.

Customer:

ok..................that's at least a little funny............................

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Procreation is sacred. Some people try to make it profane.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Pornography is profane and distasteful and very low, and is not the same as the act of creation.

Customer:

what about something like the fact that she asks questions about boys??????

Customer:

idk how to answer that

Customer:

or her interest in animals?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Do you have a television?

Customer:

yes, I do

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Do you screen and not watch all material about love and romance? It would be pretty hard to do, but do YOU do it?

Customer:

I wish I could

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

So you cannot stop the information from coming in.

Customer:

yeah.......................................

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

And baby will grow up as all girls do.

Customer:

and that is downright scary

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Answer her questions honestly. If you are dishonest she will think that sex is dirty and it will give her a twisted view of sexuality.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You must guide her (and at the same time guide yourself).

Customer:

.....................so, then, I guess my question should be..................how do I unlearn all this stuff?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You don't.

Customer:

oh

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You accept it and let it flow ever further away into the past.

Customer:

ok

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Bring new and better experiences into your life.

Customer:

......................maybe I shouldn't have asked this question...............

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You cannot fool baby and you must be truthful with her.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

And why not?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You wanted an answer?

Customer:

because I'm getting........................weirded out, I guess

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You must not fear talking about things that trouble you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Describe weirded out. Do you mean anxious?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Nervous?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Panicky>?

Customer:

................I've been rereading my journals lately...........

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

And

Customer:

where I say what happened to me

Customer:

and...................I'm very disturbed by what I read...........

Customer:

disturbed by the reactions to what happened

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

But you are facing the reality of past events that hurt you so much and split your personalities.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What reactions?

Customer:

the things Baby's been doing

Customer:

they....................are very similar to what happened to me

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She is experimenting with her body. That is normal.

Customer:

i don't like it

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

But SHE is doing it to herself. Someone else is not doing it.

Customer:

true

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Is she trying to give herself pleasure?

Customer:

....................................um........................................maybe

Customer:

not sure

Customer:

don't understand her

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She is doing what girls (and boys) do to themselves. It is normal.

Customer:

really? it's ok?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Of course since it was forced on you, you remember the terror of being invaded.

Customer:

I just wish I could cut off everything from my neck down

Customer:

it would make my life so much easier

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are the master of your own body and you must learn to appreciate your entire self.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

A head without a body would be difficult. Someone would have to feed you but then you wouldn't be able to digest.

Customer:

lol

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You need that whole body and all the pains and pleasures that go with it.

Customer:

alright..............I won't cut anything off

Customer:

lol

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Good. If you rolled you would always have to travel downhill.

Customer:

thanks, XXXXX XXXXX humor right about now

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

And it is good to be light hearted, even about the antics of Baby. Sometimes she shows you the way. She is you being reborn again without the baggage of trauma.

Customer:

ok.....

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Let her guide you to understanding the physical nature of your body. It is such an exquisite temple.

Customer:

...........not sure how to respond to that

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I don't know if you are religious or not. Are you?

Customer:

yeah........I am

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

So you believe that we are created?

Customer:

absolutely

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

In whose image?

Customer:

God's

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

And do we reside in that vessel for eternity or only for a short while?

Customer:

u mean in the human body? just a short while

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It is the exquisite temple or vessel, the living creation of God in which our spirit or soul resides. It has the abilities built in to experience all of the pains and pleasures of the senses. That is part of the living phase. We use our bodies to help us also perfect ourselves.

Customer:

I can agree with that

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

There is nothing ugly about our bodies whatever the size, shape, color, and so forth. Each is unique.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Each is a perfect creation.

Customer:

ok, I get what you're saying

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

We reproduce ourselves to create more vessels for new souls. The corporal and the spiritual work together. Try not to think badly of these vessels. We have an animal nature and a spiritual nature.

Customer:

ok

Customer:

so, what you're trying to tell me is I shouldn't be ashamed of my body?????

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

When you talk to baby tell her about age appropriate behavior but do it nicely. She knows a lot already, but she needs to know how to begin to act like a lady, and how that unfolds as she gets older. Tell her not to jump the gun because childhood is the best time of your life,l filled with innocence.

Customer:

or the way God made me

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Of course not. Are you ashamed of God?

Customer:

no, I am not

Customer:

ok, ok...........I get your point

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Then give thanks for the life and body he gave to you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

We all get this gift and none of us are perfects.

Customer:

..........................so, I should learn to be okay with Baby?

Customer:

and the things she does?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have to get along. Give her guidance and don't let her embarrass you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She has to learn to give and take.

Customer:

I'll do my best

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have to be in charge, but in a loving and firm way.

Customer:

thanks...................for always chatting and helping me

Customer:

I appreciate you

Customer:

unfortunately, though, I need to be going

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are a good person Toes and I want you to continue to get better and better.

Customer:

thanks, Elliott

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are a good learner, and usually very patient.

Customer:

I'm trying...........

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are always in my prayers.

Customer:

thanks............that means a lot to me

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Remember to keep your head on your shoulders. :)

Customer:

do i have to?????????? lol

Customer:

ok, I will

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe it would be for the best.

Customer:

me, too

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

:)

Customer:

thanks again...............take care

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are so welcome. Have a good sleep with peaceful dreams. Good night.

Customer:

night

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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