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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Have to work with a girl who recently dumped me and in 9 days

Customer Question

Have to work with a girl who recently dumped me and in 9 days began dating my coworker.Its a small company of about 70 employees and this girl stands out for her smile and fiery red hair she goes about like she doesnt have a problem in the world but all of the employees know that from her husband to her boyfriend to 10 past relationships she was the one who was dumped..She has been in therapy for 12yrs, and during our 9 months together she always said I dont know why your dating me iam not the type of girl you date and a month before whe broke up she said i always worry if you knew about my past you wouldnt want to be with me..I made the mistake of dating someone I worked with after 30 yrs of honoring that boundary,I explained upfront about taking it slow and not being happy with halving to hide a girlfriend..She wanted to sleep with me on the first date,I refused,she wanted me to be on her medical notification list if something happened,I explained I didnt know her well enough to make life and death calls to keep her family members on it and refused..She did some fantastic things for me while we were together,I went into this not looking at her beauty but from what she could offer from her heart..And she has alot,but the break up,she found ky in my bathroom cupboard and wondered why i had it,then found a hair on a blanket in my livingroom and said it wasnt her hair color,and asked me why i always carried my phone with me..Huge red flags..People i talked to at work,when i should of kept my mouth shut but I was hurt and she was parading around and ignoring me talking about this guy like he was the greatest thing in life(trying to get me jealous I know) say thats just what she does dates at work wants to talk about everybody and know there business but becomes outraged if they try to get into hers.This is her being her and because everybody agrees she is so personal and bubbly her past history is no secret to anyone here..It is so hard for me to go to work and pretend that i am happy i am trying to get in a out without hanging around, this week i will see this guy almost daily and last week I had to here how they took off in the middle of the week to go to the zoo with his kids..I see her she doesnt look in my direction.I feel like im not liked at work some people know wont talk to me.They say he is a nice guy and if you were doing what you should she wouldnt be getting revenge on you.That she is hurt and rebounding to throw the screws to me and that like all her other relationships she is just exchanging one set of problems for another and give it some time this wont last..Cruel as it may seem and showing low self esteem I am looking forward to that day..Alot of employees tell me they were friends with her for over 20yrs and she cut them off.One man tells me he treated her like a sister after her fiance dumped her(due to the fact she was clingy,possesive,would argue over something that happened a month prior and has ocd and he couldnt breathe anymore)and that after being there for her she started to treat him like crap and he says to me she is not worth it,I know your hurt about what she did at work but it wont last.All these people tell me I am a great person they want to set me up with there friends and relatives,I have excepted the fact that sometimes i just get into the pattern of if i buy dinner or wash her car or fix things in her house,that though nice dont make a girl feel good inside where it matters,,I get lazy,but i was also dealing with cancer..Why do i feel like i am spinning out of control.I am stuck looking at her for the next 4 years.Between a rock and a hard place is understated..It hurts so bad to see her I have gotten over the fact maybe we werent meant to be together,but seeing her pretending to be happy or maybe just acting it out with this coworker who is so beneath her is killing me..Its like high school all over again
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

We have discussed this relationship before, less than a week ago. You were having some rocky moments with her, and were already turning away from her. You were leaving her emotionally because she is a very difficult and unstable person, with a history of failed relationships.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She has been suffering from an emotional problem or personality disorder and has been under treatment for over a decade, yet still seems to be unable to function well.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She didn't fully trust you for several incidents that you mentioned (KY jelly, guarding your phone, and a stray hair not hers); you never explained them and they were probably innocent. You didn't talk about her reaction to them or your explanation to her.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

These details, however, are petty. What is evident is that she has very low self-esteem. Perhaps she was abused when young. This lack of self-confidence and esteem seems to inform her life and lifestyle. She is insecure. She is attractive but has to flaunt it.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She needs someone in her life and so she takes on the next available one and parades her life in front of everyone - to protect her own low self-image.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are participating in this drama, and your feelings are very hurt. You are not over her yet, and perhaps she is not over you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have been typing for 20 minutes.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Or we have lost our connection.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If I do not hear from you in one minute I shall save our chat for later.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you are typing you can send what you already wrote and continue.

Customer:

Was looking for a different moderator,well I did explain very clearly about those things my problem this morning is returning to work,just having trouble putting on that fake smile while she can just act like nothing happened .saw her thursday and friday and its making it hard..just struggling this morning

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Just do your best to ignore her.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

How else may I help you?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You don't need a fake smile. Just acknowledge her if you have to pass her. Don't pretend anything.

Customer:

emergency phone call thank you didnt have a chance to read your full reply and no disrespect to you with the different moderator comment just there was a picture of someone else,will let you know how it goes .dont wish her no harm but you always try to go back and make things better instead of doing it when you had the chance..I am trying to understand someone who i believed was whole and complete and she is not..thank you

Customer:

it says expert is typing or our we finished

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
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