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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5472
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My girlfriend was raped by her boss when she wasstill a minor

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My girlfriend was raped by her boss when she wasstill a minor and he was about 27! It happend in the office where they both work! When it happend she was working part time on weekends. She became pregnant and had to have an abortion! I am woried that she does not realise what actually happend as she was only 15 at the time! I don't know what 2 do as it drives me crazy knowing that she spends time with him everyday in the same office! Any advice! Concerned
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It makes a lot of sense that you are concerned about her. Rape is a very traumatizing experience. And the fact that your girlfriend has gone through so much and still has to work everyday with this man is appalling. It would be traumatizing all over again each day she has to face him.

The fact that she blames herself is very common with victims of rape. They feel that they should have done something to stop the assault when in reality there was nothing they could do. It is often hard for victims of rape to let go of the guilt and shame they feel. Your girlfriend probably feels she deserves what happened which is also not true.

It is wonderful that she has you with her and so supportive of her. You are right, reporting this man would not only make sure he is punished for hurting your girlfriend, but it would also prevent him from hurting anyone else. But if your girlfriend is not ready to do that, it's ok. She needs to feel she can face what reporting him would bring into her life.

What she may want to try instead is seeking help with a therapist and/or a rape crisis center. She needs to face what she feels about what happened so she can work through it. Encourage her to seek help and if possible, go with her if she is ok with it. Your support is vital to her feeling less alone.

Also, you can learn more about rape and the effects on the women who go through it. Here are some resources to help:

http://www.sexualassaultresources.org/

http://www.rainn.org/get-information/sexual-assault-recovery

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Sexualhealth/Pages/Sexualassault.aspx

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for the reply! could you please advise me as the fact that she is working with him everyday has caused allot of problems between us! she is afraid to report him as he is the boss and brother of the owner of the company and she will be left without a job! forgot to state that she is a single mother of 2 and cannot afford to lose her job! It has become so bad this situation that currently feel that if she cannot get another job or get him fired which is unlikely as his brother is the owner! I am also concerned that if she does report him that he might do something else to her or make everyday at work even worse!

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
The fact that she is working with him everyday could cause tension between you, which in turn could cause you both to have problems.

Although it is best that she quit her job, it sounds like she is unable to at this point. So it might be better for her to see a professional or at least talk to a crisis center counselor to deal with her situation. They can advise her and also support her while she decides what to do about her situation.

Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you that helps allot! last question what do need to do? what is expected from me or what will help her in dealing with it! what is the do and do nots in this situation?

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
All you need to do is be there for her. Encourage her to take care of herself and support her when she has to face her feelings. And most of all, let her talk whenever she needs to. Just listen and comfort her if needed. It sounds like you are doing great so far from what you have said.

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5472
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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