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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5481
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hi basically, I just want an answer specifically to my question,

Resolved Question:

Hi basically, I just want an answer specifically to my question, I want to know based on what im telling you whether or not my therapist is going to add something else to my treatment, I have a therapist who i like a lot.She has made it clear to me that I can talk about whatever I want to in therapy, and thats what i want to use the therapy for. when we had been meeting for about six weeks, she said it seems like you want to use the therapy just to talk and also that there was nothing wrong with that, she just understands that thats what I specifically want to use the therapy for and thats great. which I havent wasted time talking about nonsense but personal heavy stuff. She Ive been working with her since August, shes basically understood and allowed me to use the therapy for talking about whatever i need to, she has been very emphatic, warm, and understanding. She also said before that she understood what I didnt like about my last therapist is that my last therapist was more "challenging" than she was (by challenging I mean always criticizing ones personality style and viewpoints.) I met with her today (Im seeing her twice a week on a temporary basis for the past 3 weeks and for 3 more weeks.) Im going out of town for 3 weeks, and she basically said that shes glad i feel warm and safe with her as If expressed, but she doesnt just want me to feel warm and safe she also wants me to as well focuse on what i want to change in my life. I got very upset, and said i liked what she was doing in here, and i didnt want her to change, she said her style isnt going to change, shes going to just add this other element of talking about what I want to change in my life. i was upset and she kept telling me she wasnt going to change just this one element of what i want to change in my life would be added. I said I understand that but I like the way things are going. I then said are we going to start discussing what I want to change or can we keep things exactly the way theyve been. She said well you're upset so im going to as your upset want to give you what you want and Id need some time to think what you want not what you need. I said i understand of cvourse shes same person with same style and approach but Id like to keep therapy as it is (discussing whatver feelings frusterations thats it.) She said we can still talk about what youd like it wouldnt mean changing anything in approach the way therapy is in her. She said i could call anytime, as she always allows, I dwelling on the session called her up she called me back asking if everything was okay I told her id been thinking about the session, and I wanted the therapy to continue like it was exactly and i didnt want that to change she said i know you dont i know theres nothing to worry about really nothings changing. My whole thing is shes been very good about letting me use the therapy for what I want, and shes made clear that she tailors therapy to what each individual wants. I understand shes a professional with a degree, but I dont feel that professionals need to be pompous about what others need just due to their degree, and thats the thing shes not pompous, but shes in a very gentle way seemingly starting to be more directive than Id like, and its my therapy and for my benefit, not for hers and I dont feel like she should structure what I talk about without letting me allow it. I think its a bit disrespectful. Basically based on everything ive said and told you do you see my frusteration? do you think my therapist is going to start making me talk about what changes i want to make based on the most recent phone call and everything shes said? cant you see why I consider this disrespectful and a bit unclear (I understand her intention just not her insistence.)
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your questions.

It is clear that what your therapist is doing is frustrating you. She is taking your therapy in a different direction than you are comfortable with. And it is understandable that you are upset about it.

Your therapist might be trying another approach to see if there is another way she can help you. You mentioned that your therapist is empathic, warm and understanding. And it sounds like that will not change. The only thing that might change is the way she tries to help you. But if you find that pompous and frustrating, then it is ok to tell her that you don't want to go that direction in therapy.

Her insistence on pushing the issue just may be her way of saying how important she feels it is to try. But what you feel about it is most important because you are there to get what you need out of therapy. If you are ok talking to her about what you feel, then keep trying to do that. Let her know what you said here in your question and that you feel disrespected. She is there to support you and given how she is with you (warm and empathetic) she should be open to hearing you.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

also she keeps saying shes not changing that much but she seems so insistent on talking about what i want to change in my life, does it seem like shes going to do that, even after saying I have "nothing to worry about"? Also do you think im being unreasonable/overreacting?

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
She might be doing this because she sees something in your therapy that might be helped by going in this direction. And it could be that what she is doing is bringing up some deeper issues for you. And that might be why you feel as you do about it. Anytime anyone pushes deeper than you are ready for, you can feel defensive and upset. There is nothing wrong with what you are feeling. It is a normal reaction.

It does not sound like you have anything to worry about. Addressing how you feel with your therapist will help. And let her know that you see what she might be doing but you do not feel it is helping right now. You can also ask her why she is pushing the issue to see if that helps.

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5481
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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