I am 44 year old woman, unmarried, no children. Dating a man for about 1 year who is also in 40s, divorced, 2 young children. We are not living together. We have had a very difficult relationship for about 9 months. It began after he started being, what I term, "verbally abusive". What I mean is that if I would bring up a problem in our relationship or make requests (ex: more time together, more listening to each other, more emotional intimacy), he would accuse me of attacking and would say mean things like ("there's something wrong with you", "I don't care about you", "You are over reacting" "You are crazy", etc etc for anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour, while I am crying. Often he will leave or hang up on me during these times. He has even said we are broken up about 4-5 times during the past year.
This happens about 1-2 times a month. I withdraw for a few days and try to recover and even consider breaking up, but never break up. He then comes back to say sorry, or sometimes just to initiate the relationship again without a sorry.
I admit I have been considering dating others and have become quite depressed, even despondent and unable to keep up with my daily work life and self care very well. Recently I have gone to a counselor a few times and decided not to continue due to cost. I have read 2 books about relationships in the last few months trying to improve this situation. I joined a support group that meets once a month and am trying to get out and meet others in order to help my emotional state.
Here is the part where I want your assistance please -
Last night, I went with a friend to give her moral support as she went to a "Speed Dating" event, where she will meet about 20 men and have about 5 minute conversations with each man. I was going to watch from the side and wait for her. Instead, at the last minute, I joined in and met the men as well. I did
not meet anyone I wanted more with. But now I feel very guilty. I would want him to tell me if he had done something like this and I would not be happy with him doing this to me.
Should I tell him? I am seeing him tonight.