I am after some advice about my condition, and prognosis.
Firstly I have been diagnosed with GAD
and OCD, obsessional thinking. For me the worst aspects of my condition are the anxiety
, and the accompanying Derealisation feeling I get with this, I have had this in some form since I had my first major panic
attack some 14 years ago. Nothing felt ‘right’ and it was a horrid experience. I am unsure if the derealisation has ever gone fully 100% gone, and neither has my anxiety, but after doing a lot of research I know derealisation can be sometimes chronic at varying degress, I understand this condition is 'harmless' but when I have it bad due to the anxiety, one fuels the other, and I end up very low, and life can get extremely hard and a struggle.
I have had episodes in the past where I have really struggled but have ultimately come through, and my anxiety/derealisation has got better, so I feel say 90% recovered (Never 100%). I have a job, a girlfriend, and a house, but my ultimate worry that things will get so bad…and I will lose everything.
Anyway this is where my problem arrives...recently I have been feeling down, my anxiety has gotten worse, and I am worried about the derealisation returning and ruining my life (It has slightly) and I am worried about it making me lose my job/girlfirend, and basically becoming so bad that...well you get the picture, the thing is I don't feel that bad now!!! but this constant worry and ‘what ifs’ (Maybe this is my OCD Obsessional worrying/checking) is making more depressed and in turn making everything worse, and I feel like I'm slowly slipping back into where I don't want to be.
I relentlessly Google 'Derealisation getting better' 'Derealisation success stories' and yes I find some about people living with it, but then I find others saying it is a living hell they have not got better, and they can't cope etc...and everytime I see one of these my heart sinks, I get more anxious, and my symptoms increase...then I may be fine for a few hours, but I seek reassurance again, and when I hit a negative post I'm in pieces again, back to square one. I have a few questions which I know may be seen as assurance seeking, but please help me :(
Is having derealisation like mine unusual – as in contstant at varying degrees, sometimes I go a week without thinking asbout it, but I don’t think it has ever 100% gone. Can I lead a full and productive life with it, even if it is never truly gone, I have done in the past, but I truly worry it will get so bad I can't...
Because I read other peoples forum posts about never being able to cope and deal with this, does this automatically mean I won't be able to? Or is this the same for all mental conditions...different cases and people? I need hope.
And what can I do to stop myself from Googling for reassurance? I feel desperate, I need hope.
I have an appointment with a counsellor coming up, so I will obviously discuss all this then.
Thanks for your time, Gareth