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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5425
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Relationship Help!

Resolved Question:

My girlfriend broke up with me last week. We have been together for 3 years and shes says she cant trust me any more because of something i did 8 months ago. Since then I have done everything in my power to change (and i have) and to sort out some issues. Last week when i was trying to get help for my ADHD and my doctor refused to help by prescribing medication she got frustrated and broke up with me through text. She after 3 days of texting then changed her mobile and blocked me on everything. She says its over and has given me no further explanation. I'm 24 shes 20. I have written her a letter and sent it to her. Should I go and wait for her to finish work? Do I have a chance of getting back with her? She seemed happy then just no so suddenly.

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your girlfriend feels the trust is gone in your relationship. But to do this all of a sudden without giving you a chance to fix things is unfair to you. It may also indicate that she is acting on emotion right now and not thinking things through. That can help because there is a chance she might change her mind eventually, given time to think about this.

It is good that you started making an effort to address your issues. If she learns about it, it might help her change her mind.

In order to get her back, it might be helpful if you back off some for now. Not all the way, but try to not contact her directly for a while. However, that does not mean you stop trying. If you have the same friends, try communicating through them. Let your friends know you still care and hope she is ok. Let them pass the messages along if they want to, just like you are hearing about her now. Also, wait a few weeks then send her a short, but very sweet text. You can also send her a card or another small token of your affection. You don't want to make her upset, but something friendly and that conveys you care would not hurt. And it keeps her thinking of you.

If you do not hear something from her after a few weeks, try a more direct approach. Try seeing her in person, maybe with others around so she can't put you off as easily. Also, let her know about the changes you have made and that you would like a second chance. It is up to her, but by letting her know that, she might reconsider.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
I hope my answer helped you. It can be difficult to know how to deal with someone you care about when they make a decision you feel you have no control over. But with some patience and work, you can try to recover the relationship and make it even better.

Kate



May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Kate she broke up with me after 8 months of taking me back and watching me change. She knows about the changes. I've started eating healthy and going to the gym. I've cut out all temptation on my social networks etc. and give her free access to all my accounts and my phones.


 


Last Thursday was a meeting with my doctor who refused to give medication, and she got frustrated at this and then said she could never trust me and didn't want to be looking over her shoulder all of her life and that we would never have a relationship again. She then cut off all contact after i messaged her a few times and got her provider to change her cell number.


 


Isn't this all so extreme or does she just need time?


 


She said she didn't mean to hurt me and that shed contact me when she was ready.


 


Or is it that shes so overwhelmed with emotion that she maybe has acted hastily? Or could there be something else she hasn't told me about?

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
She still needs time. But there is hope, especially if she said she would contact you when she feels ready.

It could be that she was just overwhelmed by everything and needs this time to sort out her feelings. That is not unusual in a relationship. There is no way to tell for sure what she is thinking unless you ask her, but from her actions, that is what it sounds like.

Try to be patient and give her time. Then follow what we talked about in the original post. That is the best way to approach a situation like this.

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5425
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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