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Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5247
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My 14 year old daughter was raped last week. The guy who did

Customer Question

My 14 year old daughter was raped last week. The guy who did it is in jail. I'm struggling with coping/managing this. I'm her Father. I been through a roller coaster of emotions. Crying, Anger, wanting to fix it/move on. I feel the need to tell everyone what happened. How can I find peace again?
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 10 months ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

When something so horrible happens, you suffer a loss. You went from knowing your daughter was ok to having her hurt in a traumatic way, and it was out of your control. Adjusting to what occurred along with being there for her is going to affect you deeply. And mourning/grief is very normal to experience.

Also, as her father, you may feel helpless. Parents want to feel they can protect their children from anything, when that is not possible. There is balance between letting your child become independent and protecting them. For many parents, that is a difficult balance to find. Feeling grief and a sense of loss is not unusual in a situation like this.

The first step in healing is to know that what you feel is normal. If you had no reaction, that might be of concern. But your symptoms are a normal result of the trauma your family has been through.

The next step is to seek help. You should not do this alone. Reach out and tell others, people who can help. Therapy for you and your daughter (and the rest of your family) can make a lot of difference. Ask your doctor about a referral or search on line at:

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php

Also, contact those who understand what you and your daughter are going through and that can provide the support you need. Here is one that can help:

http://www.rainn.org/get-help

You can learn more about the effects of rape and what you can do as a parent:

http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/rape.html

http://womenshealth.about.com/cs/azhealthtopics/a/rapehealsurvive_2.htm

Consider support groups and other resources so you feel less alone:

http://www.pandys.org/secondarysurvivors.html

Most of all, talk to any family and friends you can trust to keep the situation confidential. Just the act of talking and getting the support you need can help you work through this and help your daughter as well.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5247
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 4 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

Is it normal for my daughter to push us/what happened away.


-she wants to go laugh and hang out with her friends instead of "sitting around the house and talking about it".

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 10 months ago.
Yes, it is normal for her to feel that way. She may be trying to avoid it. Her feelings might be intense and overwhelming so she is coping by not talking about it. Being there for her and gently suggesting she talk to therapists/doctors and even trusted friends or family can help.

Kate
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

This will be my last response. Thank You very much for your help. You just helped me and my wife realize we have all been secretly hiding our true emotions from each other these last few days. Me and my wife have been distant with our emotions from each other not knowing we were both feeling the same as I originally asked you. Thank You for helping us on our first step in knowing were not going crazy and seeking additional professional help for our family. My wife and I were puzzled with our daughter's not wanting her Mom and Dad. Thank You.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 10 months ago.
You are very welcome. I am so glad to be able to do something to help you all cope with such a horrible situation. Your daughter is blessed to have you both there for her.

If I can help in the future, please let me know.

My best to you and your family,

Kate

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