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Jean
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience:  Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
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hi, my fiance and i got our wedding OKMH531211postanswer

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hi, my fiance and i got our wedding postponed for the 5th time now, and i really feel insecure about this. Next to this, i usually notice him watching porn before and during our sex which troubles me a lot


Jean N/20pluscounts :

Hello, I am available to assist you.

Customer :

hello maam, thanks for helping me

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I'm glad to help- sorry for your struggle in your life

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I think anyone in your situation would begin to feel insecure

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Five times postponed- it's hard to be patient with the wait.

Customer :

yes doctor, i reallt felt insecure, and i cant manage it anymore

Customer :

thats why i need help

Jean N/20pluscounts :

The fifth time, what does he tell you this time?

Customer :

we are under 25, we need parents advise affidavit to get married, his parents is in dubai, and he told me his mom did not fax the documents yet

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Is he changing his mind about wanting to get married? How long does a girl have to wait? This is creating a lot of stress for you. It's too many times to postpone a wedding.

Customer :

yes because of this my body is affected as well, im getting sick fast these days, my period delayed for 3 months but im not preg, my obgyne says because of too much stress

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Are you unsure how he feels about you? Do the parents support the marriage? Yes, too much stress. It's important to find ways to release your stress, to take good care of yourself. Do you talk to him about being upset, or anyone else?

Customer :

another thing, his mom hates me

Customer :

how do i manage this stress maam , its so overwhelming, plus the fact that when we are having sex, his watching porn

Customer :

does it mean anything? lets say a guy do it, every before and during sex

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It's important to have someone to support you, someone to talk to. When we start becoming physically ill because of stress it's been going on too long. Not a good start to a marriage, that his mother hates you. Might his mother be interfering in this process? If he chooses to watch porn when you are having sex, and you do not like it, tell him you will not have sex with him when he is watching porn. It might mean he likes watching porn, and it arouses him. It does not necessarily mean he loves you any less.

Customer :

you see i dont have a lot of friends. im introvert maam, thats why its been so hard for me, and need to seek help from a medical person about this

Jean N/20pluscounts :

If you do not have people to talk to, you may want to try writing a journal, a way to express your feelings, get your feelings "out" and on paper, so you do not carry them around with you. It's when we keep those feelings inside that we become overwhelmed and stressed.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Would you be able to see a counselor, would your doctor refer you to someone?

Customer :

yes i prefer both

Jean N/20pluscounts :

In your country what is the process to find a counselor?

Customer :

its so hard doctor, because of the people, they will think that your mentally ill, or "crazy" counselor only works here for marriage and at school

Customer :

ive tried to go to psychiatrist to talk

Customer :

but my officemates knew it and ask me if im mentally ill

Customer :

:S

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I see, that's unfortunate, what you struggle with, it's normal that you would be stressed.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You are not mentally ill, you are just having stress in your life right now- and it's making you sick.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

When others ask if you are mentally ill, tell them, no, I just have lots of stress right now, and need help to deal with it.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You do not want this to go on too long, when it starts to affect you physically. Support is important- we all need support, especially when things are so difficult.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I would encourage you to talk to the psychiatrist, they can talk to you, or find someone else who can help you.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Exercise and doing relaxation can help too.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Relaxing all your muscles as you take deep breaths- and exercise can relieve stress.

Customer :

thanks maam, i appreciate it

Jean N/20pluscounts :

If you have access to You Tube- videos on line- there are some good relaxation videos- they help you to relax.

Jean and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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