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Jean
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience:  Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
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Do you think its possible to tell someone youve never been

Customer Question

Do you think it's possible to tell someone you've never been in a relationship at age 47 and not have them run from you?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Hello, I'm available to assist you. Welcome!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Are you available for a live chat?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It sounds like you've done some good work, making progress working towards overcoming your social anxiety.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Is this concern also part of your "anxiety" talking? Working so hard to make progress and movement into a relationship is major for you. I believe if the person does not "accept" that you've never been in a relationship- then it's the wrong person.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Starting out in a new relationship, no matter the age, is anxiety producing- to be expected.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Like most people it can take a few dates, a few relationships before we settle into one that works/fits for us.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Being realistic going into a new relationship, it's hard to predict what direction it will go. If a relationship doesn't work it does not necessarily mean it's because you haven't had the experience in relationships. Dating, relationships, it's a process.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I think it's definitely possible for one to tell someone they've had few relationships and they not run away. That special person you tell this to may feel even more special because you've chosen them.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I would imagine you have taken steps to venture out to practice those skills to manage the anxiety.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I would imagine getting into a relationship is the ultimate goal- and the work you've done will pay off. Being more social are just that- skills that we can learn if they do not come naturally- or if one is anxious.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

This must be exciting to consider being in a committed relationship. There are many more people out there who are anxious socially, especially in new relationships, they just have a way of hiding it.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

The thing with anxiety is that you can take the "anxiety" with you- manage it, take the lead, vs. the anxiety controlling you.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Have you met that special person?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Like any new skill it does take practice. When learning and practicing a new skill, sometimes we fall, but pick our self up and try try again. It's not unlike learning to play piano, or a new language- we do not just wake up "knowing" those things.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

This is exciting to consider a relationship. It sounds like you are making that progress recognizing those opportunities are out there for you. That special person is out there, trust and have faith.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

If there is anything else you'd like to add please do, so I can provide with the information you are looking for. I look forward to any other comments or questions you may have. It would be great to hear more about your experience as you venture out more socially. Thank you for your post!

Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience: Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
Jean and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I've been reading some books about living with the anxiety but not letting it dictate what you do. I've been asked out and will push myself to go but I fear the questions about my relationship history. If asked, do you think I should just say I've never been in one or do I try to avoid answering until I know the person better? Thank you!
Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.
The beauty in this is that you do have a choice about how much you tell that person. It is perfectly okay to trust, and wait to share more personal information- such as your relationship history. As a relationship progresses, you will have a better sense if it is headed into something more committed, and may be more inclined to share more personal stuff. Your lack of experience may serve you better in a relationship verses the person who has had "too many to count", and feels shame, and anxiety that the other person will think "less of them" and run away.

Remember, practice makes (not perfect) one better at it. Continue to learn more about this. Remember it's more common that you can imagine- anxiety, socially and in relationships. We all want to make a good impression. The very best you can do is to be yourself. The guy who comes along, and is a good fit for you, will be a very lucky guy.

Focus on your strengths, and do realize much of the beauty in life comes from imperfection.

Thank you so much for the excellent rating and bonus- I really appreciate it.

Best wishes!

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