Thank you for responding to by post. That's the funny thing about depression is having all of those symptoms, fighting to get rid of those symptoms, when there's zero to be sad about- yet sill having those symptoms. It's a disconnect between what the way things really are and how you are feeling about life overall. We can evaluate our life and know we have it pretty good, can not identify an ordeal causing us to feel depression, but feeling that way anyway. It is ridiculous isn't it- like you said your life is great. Genetically you could be predisposed to some of this. I wonder if your father took valium for anxiety
, or some sort of agitation-taking it to calm down.
Something to consider to get a better idea of your thought patterns would be to keep a journal. As thoughts come up jot them down and you may start to see what sort of messages you are feeding yourself. You said "nobody can change the way I think", you are right- that has to come from within. It takes practice to modify those thoughts. Thoughts are like habits, become so automatic we are hardly aware of them, something we have to work hard to change.If we practice more realistic and optimistic thinking it can become more habit.
I've encouraged people to wear a bracelet of some kind- a rubber sort of bracelet, whatever, nothing fancy. The bracelet would be a reminder to be more aware and mindful of what you are thinking. Start with that awareness first- take an inventory of what you "feed" yourself on any given day. Once you notice that pattern of thinking, the next step would be to modify. I will also encourage people to begin talking to them self the way they would talk to a treasured friend. If a friend came to you with what you describe, what would you tell her?
Journal writing may help you to start to understand if there are triggers to your mood too. You are at that age where you are transitioning into adulthood. It's wonderful, liberating, and all that, but it can be a bit scary and overwhelming too. Making time for friends, being with other people can sometimes pull us out of our self. With depression and anxiety, we tend to get stuck in our head. Finding things to get your mind off of the more negative, a diversion of sorts. Mood stuff can have a life of it's own- comes uninvited.
I think you have taken a good step in reaching out at lease for a little bit more information. If you are interested in learning a bit more about depression and the symptoms, a good website is psychcentral.com. It provides information about all sorts of diagnosis and best treatment for those.
Thank you again for your post. I hope it helps a bit, or at least gets you to "think" about the stuff- be more aware of thought patterns. Let me know if I can help again. I wish the best to you in this place called "life school".