Thank you for responding. I find that some questions I can research just by 'googling', but questions like this are a bit tougher to search for...so your response is helpful. A couple comments you've made, I'd like to get clarification on...
"Maybe in addition to her bi-polar her experience had been that when someone raised they voice they would strike her"...First, she was never officially diagnosed (as far as I know with bipolar). I did learn recently and by accident (i.e. she doesn't know that I know) that she was diagnosed with dysthymia and another JA person suggested that she is bipolar. Since this 'unofficial' diagnosed, I have been doing quite a bit more research on bipolar, and albeit more complex for me, who's not a mental health professional, to diagnose...it certainly is tempting to label her with this. So, I'm not clear if you presumed she is bipolar or have made a professional conclusion based on what you read in my profile? However, you hit the second part of the statement on the head. My wife (and her siblings) complained for years well into adulthood how their mother was 'crazy' and used to beat them a lot...I also have heard horror stories about her mother in her younger years both as a mother and wife. If I brought this up with my wife right now, she would deny it, paranoid that I will bring up in divorce court, or equate it to her own mental instability.
"Maybe seeing a couples therapy even if you are divorcing is a good healthy way to let go with love." We are technically still married and live together with our two girls...I have tried to go to couples therapy, but each of the 3 difference counselors we went to, she would quit when the counselor told her she was wrong...and then would site I was manipulating the counselor and it is me and my family (my mother in particular) that needs the counseling. She has recently started to become extremely pro-Mormon (LDS) and has suggested that she is 'considering' making arrangements for us to see an LDS counselor...but this sudden escalation in her commitment to the church is beginning to worry me more.
By the way, I'll happily rate your response as is as you did answer the question I was looking for, but would appreciate if you can address this comment...For some reason, this question was directed at the other JA member I consulted with, but it ended up with you (which is fine with me), but I'd like to keep dealing with one person, so I do not have to keep repeating the history.