Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am sorry to know about this challenging relationship situation you are facing. I am here to support you. Could you please join the chat for us to dialogue about it?
Please tell me about your situation.
Yes...however, I would like this conversation to not be public.
I understand, No problem, then I will block access to it as soon as we end it thus nobody could have access to it. Is that OK?
ok. first, I've been married for 23 years. Divorced my husband once after 3.5 years, then returned to him. The road has been rough. We have no intimate relationship and have not for over 19 years. Our friendship is tenuous. so about a month ago I met someone online. I just wanted a caring relationship...and now, after we met, had an ultimate sexual experience, he is pulling back. So now I have a husband that rejects me and a ??friend?? that appears to be rejecting me. I want a divorce and I want to be sure about this other person. I am in a tiz, do not want to communicate if there is no point.
I am truly sorry to know about your marriage, and how lonely and unfulfilled you may have felt during all these years.
What led you to got back and remarried your husband and stayed with him for all these many years?
He was withdrawn from me then. He shoved me aside then. I left him and had an affair. Then my husband started calling me, showing me attention. I felt badly for leaving him and guilty as well. when we got back together, we decided to adopt a child, have a family. I've spent the last 18.7 years raising him, finishing grad school and just existing. Since he is older, graduated hs, Iam able to think about my needs.
You have the core right and need to be and feel truly happy and fulfilled as q whole human being, and it's obvious you have been longing for it for these many years, and it's from there that you looked for a person to complement your life and found this man online. But you just met this person, you just started to know about him, but also it is true that the intensity of you sexual experience has been this overwhelmingly intense, which is very good by itself, but does not meant this person does have what you need and expect to develop a healthy and fulfilling experience, that is something you could only find out with time, sharing and as long as he happens to be truly honest towards you. Right now you know it started very good but even after this unique sexual experience, his reaction is inconsistent with what you just shared in the past month and after your first sexual experience, and that's a clear red flag for sure.
That makes a lot of sense, then your marital life has been viable mostly because of your parental responsibility, but now that yous on can start building his own life as a young adult, you can finally give yourself another chance to rebuild your own one.
I believe you are very wise and assertive choosing to start taking good care of yourself, for you to create and promote the happiness you need and deserve. As you can see already, it is not an easy task at all, but full of challenges and absolutely worthy too. Now it is time to work on learning how to cope with all these challenges.
Yes...I feel like I need to simplify, but I am so very lonely, emotionally and sexually. I plan to divorce as I hate being dishonest. I also know my husband will become enraged once I file, so I have a protection order ready to file once he goes back to work....out of state. To add to this mess, my department has been eliminated for next year, so I amalso interviewing for positions around the state. A bit of a mess.
Yes, this is very challenging and with the job change so imminent, you cannot afford waiting for getting the best possible new opportunity as soon as possible. You are right taking care of the legal paperwork necessary to protect yourself from any possible retaliation, so common in people who are not very mature but dysfunctional.
Your social network and support system are core aspects of your life that you'd need to work on in order not only to get the support you need to cope, but to enrich your life and make of it something truly healthy.
From "healthy" family members to close friends, receiving support is essential for us not to get depressed, isolated and alienated from reality. But it is not only for coping with tough times, but also for feeling alive and happy doing what we enjoy doing and sharing with meaningful people who truly respect and care about us, sharing same values, beliefs, needs and expectations, with compatible life styles.
This is not easy but tough, specially after spending several years far away from taking good care of these personal core needs, but it is viable and worthy for sure. Professional counseling or psychotherapy become the ideal source of support, specially when our support system and social network are very weak or nonexistent.
Most people in your shoes develop depression and / or anxiety disorders after undergoing these long term issues, and that's why professional support appears as much more important to work on rehabilitation process and to empower yourself to do what you truly want to do.
Does it make sense?
Yes...which is exactly why I've communicated here. will I have access to this script when we sign off?
I am glad you did. No, once we close the chat and I block it, you won't have access to it. This is why I invite you to copy and paste it for you to review and reflect on it. If i do not block it, it would be accessible to you and public to anybody who access this website.
Individual psychotherapy or counseling could be just wonderful tools for healing and growth. Please seriously consider getting a good therapist. Whether it's face-to-face or online, try and stick to what works for you, it's truly worthy and necessary.
is there an easier way than copy and psste? can you send a transcript of the session to me through email? Can I communicate back to you with related questions?
Please be very careful with any new relationship, taking enough time to explore and know better about people. Words could be misused to create impressions and manipulate people, that's why it is always wise to take time, be cautious and not trust words if they do not consistently match consistent actions, showing real respect, sensitivity, understanding, caring and support. This way you would not expose yourself to be used, abused nor neglected by anybody. I do not have access to customers' contact information, including email addresses, but would love to support you that way.
Sure, you can always get back in touch for any further support, since I'll be here willing to support you, and could also block access to our interactions as needed to keep it private.
As you could see, the website system blocks customers from sharing email addresses:[email protected]
...replacing characters with "x"s. I could try requesting transcript to be emailed to you by website management.
Could that work for you?
I will make my best to ensure they email it to you.
can't seem to copy and paste. do you have another idea?
yes...if you could request this service, I would be most appreciative.
If you highlight all the text in the chat window and then click the keys: "Ctrl" (plus the key) "C" and then in a doc document or Notepad you press "Ctrl" "v", it should paste the text.
No problem. Then once we close the chat I will request the transcript to be emailed to you.
Thank you for your patience and understanding.
that may work ok on a computer, but I am on a tablet. I will try one other option, however, the most sound is your request of a transcript. thaks much...
No problem, I am requesting it right now, and will make sure they implement it. When ready, please rate support for the chat session to end and for me to block public access to it.
Thank you for your trust. I will be looking forward to hearing from you about how everything evolves. Please take gentle care and consistent action.
thank you as well...