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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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My wife and I had ou rfirst son Jan 10th of this year, so hes

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My wife and I had ou rfirst son Jan 10th of this year, so he's now 4 months old... we waited teh usual time after birth before trying to have sex (i think it was around 7 weeks or so)... But ever since she wont go near me sexually really...

We've had sex 4 times since he's been born ( and actually the last half of her pregnancy was a lot less as well.

I'm going crazy, but at teh same time im trying to be understanding... She has postpartum and only went to see a doc about it last week. So she's only started to take Ciprolex (or Cipralex, or w/e its called). I was trying for so long to get her to go see a doctor about her moods and such, but she wouldn't until now.

And even since then its almost like she seems to think she has this get out of jail free card for everything... Going to my parents, them visiting, HAVING SEX. I've tried everything... EVERYTHING, to get her in the mood or even just get her in the mood to "help out her husband" if you know what I mean.

I'm an extremely sexual person and she knows this... we used to have sex 3-5 times a week at least..

And its not even just that... its how she treats me...talking down to me... basically saying in not os many words that im a pervert or something. WTF is wrong with having strong sexual desires for my own damn wife....????!!!!! I'm REALLY starting to get strong feelings of anger and resentment towards her. And we cant ever talk about me either.. anything time I have an issue its ALWAYS "WELLLL iiiii have this issue and this issue and this issue..e.tc etc etc... " Everything is damn competition about who has it harder its ridiculous.

Im super supportive and do everything she asks.. I bring her flowers, and do other nice things for her.. I take care of the baby as much as I can ( I work a 10-7 job basically, while she is on mat leave.. so there is only so much I can do). I take every middle of the night feed for her. I basically let her control everything in our lives right now and have basically no say.

I'm just getting "F*ckin pissed".. and thats the best way I can describe it.

And I'm sorry if this sounds sexist or misogynistic.. But if my wife, who I love to death, refuses to have sex with me, but I'm not allowed to get it anywhere else, that is total and complete bullshit. Don't get me wrong, I'd never cheat on her, but just the idea that she (and society) in general expects men to "behave" this way is disgusting.

I literally could right a 10,000 word essay on all teh methods I have used to solve this, to get her in the mood, to build attraction and lust... etc, but I won't, because I figure I'll just see if you have anything say off the bat. Please excuse any grammar errors or w/e...I'm typing this all heated.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 1 year ago.

Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.

I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. You are clearly a loving and caring husband and you are doing your best to cope with a difficult situation. I wish I could say that your situation is rare, but it's not. Not by a long shot. And neither is your anger or frustration.

Post Partum Depression (PPD) is not a one size fits all type of illness. It can take different forms and different intensities. And it can last different amounts of time. It can be very severe. Now, your wife's lack of libido is very likely part of the PPD.

But it's important for the two of you not to assume that right off the bat. You need to make an appointment with her OB/GYN to discuss hormonal difficulties that might be resulting in the loss of sex drive first. It needs to be ruled out before deciding that the problem is PPD. And in fact, her PPD may be hormonally related as well and so that needs to be part of the assessment process as well.

Therefore, you both need to go in to the doctor so that there is a comprehensive view of what's going on presented to the doctor. Because, you see, with PPD she may be minimizing certain things she may bring up in discussing with the doctor because of the PPD's effect on her. So your being there will be important.

Then, once the hormonal treatment begins for the PPD if required, you two may need to consider psychotherapy for her to help her with the aggressive form of PPD she has. And you would want to go to therapy session with her so the two of you can work together on this. Right now, she needs to feel unified with you and you with her that you're both on the same side and not enemies, so to speak. So therapy can be very important in this.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

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Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5170
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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