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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5096
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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Resolved Question:

Hi, I'd like to schedule a follow up appointment on Friday, May 23, 2013 8:00 PM CST with Dr.Mark.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 1 year ago.
Hi, it's nice to hear from you. I remember our first question and answer.


Unfortunately, I will be away from Friday until Sunday. However, if you write your question here, then I'll be glad to answer as soon as I can. Will that help?


All the best,
Dr. Mark
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


What information do you need one other question I have is talking to my daughters yesterday when I visted them at beach they really didn't say much to me. but when I got ready to leave they said they liked guy I was dating they said he was controlling and they were a afraid he take what money I have I should just get apartment by myself so he want take my money I had one bad marriage were this happen they think every other guy is like that except their dad they said I My older daughter said I was feeling guilty for things I did.

Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 1 year ago.
Hi. I am glad I saw this before leaving till Sunday:


1. Do you agree he's controlling?


2. Are they afraid for you about money or for their inheritance? If for you, is it something to consider, such as a prenuptial agreement?


3. I'm not sure I understood: there was one previous husband who took all your money; and then afterwards there was their dad who was not like that? Is that right? And why might you be feeling guilty for things you did?


Okay. So after that, what question can I help with?


All the best to you,

Dr. Mark
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

1. no I don't thinkd he is controlling he just wants us to have our own life but with children included

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

1. no

 

2.yes on have about $250,000 part is my retirement

 

3.Married to their father 17 yrs difference then married 2nd husband who took me for money married 13 yrs then about 2 yrs age remarried their dad for 1.5 yrs but he liked my little bit of money.

 

also now daughters say I don't know if I love this man what am I suppose to do to have peace yet have a life

Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for the replies to the questions and the added information. It helps a lot in understanding what the situation is. I believe I can now be of help with this issue.

It sounds as though your daughters feel they know how to run your affairs better than you do. And it sounds as though you are not that confident in yourself as well.

And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. Your responses to my questions indicate that you take their opinions seriously, that you consider them as I said above, because you're not so sure of yourself. Okay. That's important to know.

But it also sounds as though you are confident enough to know that you love this man and that you find him to be a good man and someone you wish to marry. That's also okay and important to know.

I really do recommend to you not to make this a decision between what your daughters think vs. what you think. You value their opinions and you value your own opinion. So follow both. This is a fortunate situation where you CAN follow both. How?

Tell your daughters that you do value their opinions and you recognize they love you and have your best interests at heart. And because you recognize this, you've thought deeply about their recommendations and you've been influenced by them to take precautions. And that you're going to discuss with your fiance making a prenuptial agreement relating to your retirement so that it is excluded from joint property and can remain as is for your old age (which you hope will be with him so that you can enjoy it). This will let them know that you've heard them and are following their concerns.

And then you can marry him as you believe you should based on your own thoughts and opinions. Because a prenuptial agreement at your age with your retirement assets is a very common thing for couples to do. So you want to present it to him as something you've thought about because of your past experiences and as something that you need to do.

Now, if he refuses to go along with this, then you may have misjudged his character and it will be good to find this out BEFORE you marry him. Because as I said, prenuptial agreements are very common. And make sure to draw it up with an attorney.

This is really an important situation and I'm very glad that your daughters have expressed their opinions and you yours. And that now you can act in a way to respect everyone's opinions.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

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Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5096
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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