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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Hello, I think my boyfriend has a porn addiction. I have seen

Customer Question

Hello, I think my boyfriend has a porn addiction. I have seen the material he looks at and it breaks my heart and makes me very jealous. I told him my insecurities about myself and how I feel porn, but he looks for women that have what I would like to have been blessed with. Except i am not allowed to improve my appearance. But yet he tells me everyday that I'm the best he's ever had, everyday and before we have sex. Is it that he's apologizing in a way for looking at it earlier in the day which if I check I'm correct, or just lucky? I've tried to talk to him calmly and he gets mad at me for not liking it, he tries putting a big sob story saying he grew up in an unstable home with a mentally ill father who watched porn all the time and left it lying everywhere. I guess its been around him his whole life, he tells me he wont stop and when given the choice of me; 22 yrs blonde and right here in front of him or porn? There's 10 years between. I just don't think that's a good enough reason to justify him watching all the time but he says he doesn't masterbate every time he watches, I do believe him on that cuz when he does sex isn't the same. In all my research I don't recall it saying that the choices your parents made had to be redone by you as well, we all have the decision between good and bad to be your own person. Research has told me that porn is just as addictive as any other tobacco, drinking, drugs, gambling. It makes me feel like he doesn't care bout me and it hurts me more and more when he's looking at gorgeous women then can't finish when we have sex. Which by the way we have tons of, and I'm willing to do anything so I don't know why he has to "check it out'' so much? And when we talk about it he tells me he feels bad when he watches porn, am I suppose to feel bad?!? He'll never admit it either he says hes just a. regular guy, nothing about this guy is regular. And uses every excuse they use online saying it makes him last longer and better. Its hard to trust him now I really don't wanna be that crazy girlfriend who hypnotises her man and tracks his every move, that's not me. So if you could help me out with this predicament that would be much appreciated!!
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC : Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : Dear friend,
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : I believe that I can help.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : I am so sorry that you find yourself in this difficult situation.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : You ARE correct. Porn does destroy relationships, it demeans women, it lowers the quality of your sex, it undermines your self confidence, and it is usually used for masturbation, which lowers the mans libido and interest in sex with a real woman.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : Porn destroys the man as well and can destroy his relationship with women for all times.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : I have a video that I used to show my Marriage and Family classes when I was teaching in college a few years ago. It is not a porn video but is about the effect of porn on guys, and interviews lots of young men who use porn.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : This is a video you might want to see with him. It is in several parts.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : A Drug Called Pornography1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALeRKvxrJjs 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Q7PEDlbVXo&feature=related3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkFF2VdXEhs&feature=related4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LkKx0irYPs&feature=related5 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ccG43znpOU&feature=related6 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWWFx_dy6QI&feature=related7 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NcQjA2Rt0e8&feature=relatedYou will have to copy and paste each link into a browser to watch.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : I am sorry the space function is not working because of problems on the JustAnswer site.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALeRKvxrJjs
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : The one above is the first one. You can still pick them out and cut and paste.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : Your boyfriend will have to get help for his sexual addiction or you will have to live with it. I do not think that this relationship will last.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : It is not worth trying to monitor him.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : Unless he sees that he has a terrible problem, he will continue doing what he is doing, and you will always play second fiddle. You cannot live up to his fantasies, and I believe that you have a very solid grasp of the reality of this situation.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : He cannot blame his father.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : He makes the choices and only if he chooses to get help can he quit.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : If he is serious then he can find a AASECT (sex therapist) therapist.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : Open the following website, then click on your province and a list of therapists will pop up.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : These are mental health therapists with additional training in sexual problems, including porn addiction.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : This problem will destroy what is left of your relationship and cause you possible feelings of rejection or abandonment in the future.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : You also have the power of choosing what is acceptable to your life.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : I shall keep you in my prayers for strength and courage.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : Here is the AASECT website:
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : http://aasect.org/directory_usa.asp
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : Warm regards,
Elliott, LPCC, NCC : Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

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