How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question

Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
65591635
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Rafael M.T.Therapist is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Me and my wife always argue about her sister.I feel her sister

Resolved Question:

Me and my wife always argue about her sister.I feel her sister intimidate us in all aspects of our life.Lately i found out my wife gave her sister large amounts of money`s.She never told me about that.....like it was a secret.I am at the cross roads with this ! It`s like trust is broken and everytime my wife will take her sisters part.Now that we live in another city looks like things are not getting better.This brings heavy strain in our marriage.When i wanted to talk to her sister about this she phoned my wife even before i could talk about this issue.I just feel she use and abuse us because we are family.I had to find out my wife paid her sisters credit card off.Her sister bbm my wife everyday its like they cannot function without eachother.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist : Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
Rafael M.T.Therapist : I am very sorry to know about this overwhelming and serious issue.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : What you describe here is truly concerning since it shows there is not real mutual honesty and openness, respect and understanding in your marriage, essential for it to be a healthy and fulfilling one.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Could you please tell me for how long have you been married and how long ago this issue start?
Customer: We are married for 15 years,from day one we had no privacy as they came over every weekend.The money issue is like new to me i don`t really know from where it started
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Your words depict this issue in a very accurate way, I do totally agree that her sister has been using, abusing and manipulating your wife and the relationship she has with you, taking advantage of you at multiple levels, not only damaging the health of your marriage but its integrity. Unhappily, in every situation where abuse and manipulation are present, as long as it is about adults, both people are responsible for perpetuating the dysfunction, the abuser and the victim enabling the abuse.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Then it is truly serious since there have not been healthy boundaries and limits set from the very beginning of your life together, and now they could feel empowered and with the right to perpetuate this situation as it has been present for these many years.
Customer: I left home before as my wife told me to go,but once i left by myself.Came back as i was financially dependent on her and also i did not wanted to worry my family
Rafael M.T.Therapist : You would need to reassess your priorities here and what you are truly willing to afford, making it clear what you need and expect from your wife as responsible adults, for your marriage to heal and grow as a healthy one, once what you are reporting shows it has never been a functional relationship around "mutual" respect, trust, honesty and support.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Then there was been at least one separation episode, and I see it was not a mutual understanding and reconciliation what brought you back. Do you still depend on her financially?
Customer: I am a christian what can i do ? We relocated to a new city as my wife founded a very good position,i am still looking for work.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : When one spouse earns most of the family income, he/she could feel entitled to manage money as pleases bypassing the normal - healthy and necessary agreement that should exist in every relationship.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : I see, then this is a core issue, and based on past incident it seems your wife is not willing to change her mind abut her relationship with her sister, but she could ask you to leave again if you do not agree with the way she does things,, once she is the breadwinner of your family.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : This is in fact a very frustrating situation, and it seems that as long as the same conditions remain, no significant change or improvement would happen.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : As I just explained, the fact that one spouse ears the highest or only income, while the other earns less or takes cares of house chores responsibilities, should not justify a lack of agreement about how finances are managed in the family unit. But for this to be a reality, both spouses need to be able to understand and willing to work on building a healthy marriage based on mutual respect, understanding and support; when this is not the case, marriages grow in distorted ways, issues become chronic and necessary changes could only happen with hard work over long periods of time, when both spouses show honest, accountable and willing commitment to work on make things works, working as a real marital team instead of pushing different or opposite approaches to how things work at different level - areas.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Does it make sense?
Customer: I agree
Rafael M.T.Therapist : I invite you to reflect on it and then look for the best time to dialogue with her about it. In case you find it impossible to get to a satisfactory agreement, please seriously consider getting professional marriage counseling or psychotherapy for you to get necessary support to work on these ore and serious marital/family issues.
Customer: ok,thanks !
Rafael M.T.Therapist : You're welcome.
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Mental Health Professional
Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
1851 Satisfied Customers
MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach