How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Mark Your Own Question

Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5106
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Dr. Mark is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

What is the best way to handle your child (10yrs.) after he

Customer Question

What is the best way to handle your child (10yrs.) after he accessed (we believe purposely) inappropriate video (s) online?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 1 year ago.

Hi! You know, to give you the best answer, I think I should ask you a few questions first that will help define the problem and the situation.


Your question is one that so many parents are having to face today and it is very difficult to know how to handle this situation effectively. The most important factor is what the general situation is with your son: is he doing well in school?

Is he well behaved otherwise? Does he have a lot of friends?



On the other hand, is this part of a pattern of behavior on his part that "pushes the boundaries? Meaning, does he tend to not listen and to seek things he shouldn't?


Are there other areas he's having trouble in?

Any extra information that will help, feel free to share.


Dr. Mark

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Dr. Mark, Thanks for the quick response. I reference to your questions. He is an excellent sstudent, has plenty of friends and doesn't really push his boundaries. I believe his body is startin to go thru the early stages of puberty and that he's mostly curious. We haven't confonted him and saw it on his history so I'm not sure if he came across it by accident. in any event he was exposed to a rather graphic video and I don't know the best conversation and level of detail to take. Thanks,
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for the replies to the questions and the added information. It helps a lot in understanding what the situation is. I believe I can now be of help with this issue.

I can indeed imagine how daunting this situation must be for you. You are clearly a loving and caring parent and he's lucky to have you there. And he's a good kid and that's also such a wonderful advantage here.

And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. Today, pornography is such a pervasive part of our society. I just read a report of a study conducted with young adults in their 20s that reports that 74% of them have watched pornography as part of their growing up. And the majority report that this has hampered their having a close personal relationship with the other sex and forming a lasting relationship. The study was talking about viewing pornography as teens and up, which is not your son's situation. I haven't seen the study itself to know how sound it is, but even if the numbers are not accurate, we can see that you can't just approach the situation in a simple way of telling your son pornography is awful and he should never do this again and it will ruin his life. This approach clearly didn't work with the majority of kids who are now young adults and it will not work with kids today as well.

Instead, you have to approach the viewing of pornography from within your family values. In other words:

That our family lives by beliefs that we hold to be true and important. They are what keep us together and a loving family. There are a number of things that people do out there that we know they think is fine and that are legal and that they want to do so they do it. But we know that those things are not what make us good people and a strong family and loving, caring people.

One of these things is watching other people in sexual situations. Because this takes away the specialness of the relationship between people that sexual activity is able to do. Sexual activity is something that can make people love each other. But it is something that can become cheapened and pornography can take the love out of it. That's not what we believe in.

This is the outline, then, of what you are seeking to convey to him. Again, you are not trying to portray it as intrinsically wrong, that it's just wrong and that's it. Because he's going to face too many forces out there in the coming years that will tell him otherwise. You are instead telling him that sex can be part of love or it can cheapen love. And your family believes in strengthening love and caring for the people you love.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5106
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
Dr. Mark and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thanks very much ... I agree with that direction. Last thing - should (do you reccomend) there be a punishment?
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 1 year ago.
No. I really urge you not to at this time. This is because you've expressed feeling like he's a good kid and not seeking trouble. Therefore, there's plenty of time for punishment. Start out with guiding him in the direction you want and give that a chance to either succeed or fail. Okay?


All the very best to you,

Dr. Mark

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education