Rafael M.T.Therapist : Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
Rafael M.T.Therapist : I am very sorry to know about this very frustrating and concerning situation.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : As you told her, it was not wise at all to expose herself to a person like him, where only further neglect, abuse and manipulation would arise, creating further pain in her life. But she chose and you too when you set a boundary an told her you did not want to be part of that drama at all.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : You were this close to each other, and now it seems obvious and reasonable to believe what you think and mutual friends have shared about her situation. You have made it clear your friendship continues to be there to support her and her child now and in the future, and I think there is nothing better you could offer to her. Now it's about time for her to learn from this experience, mature and choose what she wants for their lives.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : In consistency with your friendship and caring, I believe contacting her every other week through an email message or other similar means would remind her about your friendship and caring, giving her the chance to reassess what she truly wants for her life, and to consider getting back in touch with you. That's the best you could do, showing respect, caring and support, without going beyond her boundaries and decisions.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : it is very sad and frustrating to be in your shoes, not only because of grieving the loss of the close friendship you used to share on a regular basis, but to witness how she exposes herself and child to further abuse and neglect; but again, this is about her own path, for her to mature and grow as an adult human being, including all the pain and mistakes she needs to face in order to truly learn and change for better.
Customer: When I do text her, what do I say?
Rafael M.T.Therapist : AS suggested, every other week could be a sound period for you to keep showing her you are there to support her, without being pushy or going beyond her boundaries, unless she replies asking you not to contact her again or that often, in which case you would have to adjust your initiatives to what she is willing to share with you.
Customer: What should I say to her?
Rafael M.T.Therapist : You know her and what could promote her insight and assertive action, then use such understanding and previous experiences to motivate her assertiveness, for her to take good care of herself and child, reminding her you are there to support her as necessary.
Customer: Should I just something like, Hey Jess just wanted to check in and say hello. Hope you're doing well?
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Sure, the tenor of your message reflects the level of trust, intimacy and understanding, caring and support you built in your friendship.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Does it make sense?
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Hello?
Customer: Yes sir it does.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Good. Thank you for replying. Please feel free to contact me for any further support.