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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1377
Experience:  Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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hi i was abused growiing up and now have taboo fantasys and

Customer Question

hi i was abused growiing up and now have taboo fantasys and feel guilty. I am not like those people who did that to my sister and i when we were younger, so why is that my go to fantasy when i masturbate?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  RealSupport replied 4 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist : Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
Rafael M.T.Therapist : I am sorry to know you underwent abuse when growing up. This very concern - experience you report is a common consequence victims of abuse have because of the deep impact abuse had, one that did powerfully affected your psyche, sense of self-worth and could have distorted the way you experience relationships and sexuality too. This is not because you are a bad person at all, but a consequence of not having processed the psycho-emotional impact such experiences had on you.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : The best way to address this problem is by working on yourself with psychotherapeutic support. every person who underwent challengign or overwhelming, traumatic experience-s, should seriously consider getting psychological therapy in order to rehabilitate, otherwise the tendency would be for such experiences to get deeper, distorting from self-image, and coping, to mood, relationships and functioning.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Most sexual experiences during young periods of life could have a strong impact on personality, since we are very vulnerable at that time, and in the very process of developing and growing, and everything related to fear and tabu issues could become overwhelming. The mind has a compulsive tendency to attach to whatever is consider as forbidden, tabu or hidden from open discussing, like it's the case with sexual related topics; and when we repress, deny or avoid experience, issues, fears, we end fueling further power to the very material we try to control-avoid. This is me could easily get trapped into self-sabotage when trying to do the right thing. A further distortion of this is what happens in religions, even more with religious authorities-representatives, who strongly judge different morals and behaviors with a fear-sinful based approach, literally promoting distortion, denial and repression, which do not help but create mental health and real life personal and relationship issues.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Does it make sense?
Rafael M.T.Therapist : I am sorry I'd love to support you that way too, but does not offer any service through any other means -format but exclusively through text chat and postings.
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : does it cost to chat?
Rafael M.T.Therapist : It is included in the fee you paid for your question
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : okay
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : i would never act on it
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : but i sometimes talk with my sister about it
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : and we have masturbated together
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : which sounds weird
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : but it's not
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : it's undersstnanding
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : I know how that's viewed
Rafael M.T.Therapist : I believe you, and this is why I truly recommend you to consider working on yourself and these past experiences, and the impact they had on you with psychotherapeutic support.
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : but we grew up with the same paretnts
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : I knoow
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : i have forgiven
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : and am okay
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : besides kinky fantasies
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : and wet dreams
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : my sister refeuses to see anyone
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : and is very affected
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : is promiscuous
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : etc.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : You have the right, need and deserve to feel fully comfortable with yourself and your sexual experiences, and that's why any past experience limiting or distorting that should be addressed with adequate support.
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : i am always there for her but i worry about her
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : Yes, i agree
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : but my sister,w when she shares what she went through people get turned on and take advantage of her
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : my father told her when she was 8 that she might as well have "use me" written across her forehead
Rafael M.T.Therapist : It's very sad and frustrating but her experience is not uncommon, that's one of the most serious consequences of abuse,a and without adequate support, the person could continue to self-sabotage and expose to multiple forms of abuse and neglect.
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : I knkow it happens often
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : yes, we were poor growing up
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : lived in a motel
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : in a one room apartment behind the font desk
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : she will tell me about the dreams she has sometimes
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : and like i said we have both touched ourselves
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : no one would understand that i dont think
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Then it is indeed very serious, and that's why I said self-sabotage could lead to and enable further abuse, as long as she keeps refusing necessary work on herself to rehabilitate from it.
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : I know yes
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : But she almost wants it now
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : believes what my dad says
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : she developed early which brought on more negative male attention she sya
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : says
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : i am just worried that this is what i think about when i have private time
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : or have sex
Rafael M.T.Therapist : The best way you have to support her is by taking good care of yourself, working on your own rehabilitation and healing, so you could become an assertive presence in her life, promoting her rehabilitation and motivation to get necessary support.
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : Am I normal? Do most people have taboo fantasies and just dont say?
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : I talked to my priest about it when i was younger and he took advantage of me
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : and my sister
Rafael M.T.Therapist : When it affects your mood, mental stability, functioning or relationships, then it does become destructive, abnormal and must be addressed as soon as possible before it distorts even more your self and life.
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : ij
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : okay
Rafael M.T.Therapist : How old is your sister now?
Rafael M.T.Therapist : have you reported all the perpetrators?
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Part of healing is about confronting the abusers and not allowing any further form of abuse, whether it is physical-sexual, emotional, verbal or psychological.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : reporting to local authorities the abusers is part of the healing process, it allows the person not to be abused that easily and for other people not to be under the same risk.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Does it make sense?
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Hello?
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : hi
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : Sorry she just called
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : hi?
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Hi, no problem.
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : SSorry she called
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : she's a mess
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : `she is a councelor at the jr high
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : and said yesterday she had to report abuse
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : O this6th grader Montana
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : who she has become close with
Rafael M.T.Therapist : I see. I just hope she gets the courage and self-love to get the support she needs and deserves to get her power and life back.
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : Before she reported she went to talk w Montan's father
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : who is a widow
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : raising montana alone
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : it turned out to be a misunderstanding
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : but she slept w her father last night
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : she says Montana reminds her of herself
Rafael M.T.Therapist : That's very concerning and unacceptable, showing how distorted she got from chronic abuse.
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : and they have sessions every once in a while and her dad had asked my sister if she could be the mother/older sister figure in montanas life
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : they live in our apartment complex
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : so my sister has done that
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : But Montan told my sister at session on Friday at school that she believes her pediatrician molested her
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : and her father seemed to take the doctors side
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : and my sister loves montana
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : protects her
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : would never want that to happen
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : because of what we went thru
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : u therer still?
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Now tat your sister has crossed a core boundary getting involved with this student's father, she would not be able to help her at all, but could become a new source of further dysfunction, neglect and abuse in her life.
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : this is what i mean
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : so my sister went to tawith him
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : whoever my sister talks to about what she went thru is turned on by it
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : so she enjoys that i suppose because she seeks that out
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Please seriously talk to your sister, for her to come to terms with the fact that unless she starts her rehabilitation process right away with professional support, she would continue self-sabotaging and negatively impacting the lives of those close to her, from family to the minors close to her because of her job.
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : so she hasn't forgiven everyone who did that
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : she's a good person
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : just can't let it go
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : and has sex with thesee men who have daddy/daughter fantasies
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : and seeks out bqad relationships
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : do u think that is a common fantasy?
Rafael M.T.Therapist : I hope each of you look for necessary professional psychotherapy, otherwise time would only worsen the impact pat abuse had on you.
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : and mostly just a fantasy and ok to have if u don't act upon it?
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : hi?
Rafael M.T.Therapist : This is a sexual disorder and not a healthy or normal sexual behavior, thus requires psychological therapy.
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : am i bothering you with this? i just dont talk about it a lot of the time
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : i know it's not something people talk about
Rafael M.T.Therapist : I just hope you could take consistent responsible actions in order to take good care of yourself, your rehabilitation process and to support your sister to do the same.
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : i know and i do
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : but i cant't go with her everywhere
Rafael M.T.Therapist : I am sorry but this is not counseling support but question-answer service, this is why I have been pointing at your need to get psychotherapy as soon as possible.
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : raped
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : and she has been raaped a few times
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : but she almost needs it that way
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : which i understand b/c we were abused as we were developing
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Nobody needs nor deserve to be abused at all, that is a serious distortion, very destructive, I hope you could take some assertive actions to take better care of yourself and to support your sister too.
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : so it's almost like that was our introduction
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : am i a bother to u?
Rafael M.T.Therapist : I am sorry but I need to support other people here and my clients too. Please look for professional psychotherapy to get the support you need.
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : hello?
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Rafael M.T.Therapist says:12:54 PMI am sorry but I need to support other people here and my clients too. Please look for professional psychotherapy to get the support you need.
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : i hope not
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : i'm sorry if i offend u with this
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : hello?
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : should i just go
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : I didnt' mean to offend
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Please look for professional support.
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : i dont tell many but all the girls i date have similar experiences
JACUSTOMER-gkl1pqcd- : I will, I am okay with it, she is not
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Good. Hope you do. Take good care.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : I hope my response answered your question and that you do get the support you need. Thank you for your trust.