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Louise Brady
Louise Brady, Registered Nurse
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Registered Mental Health Nurse
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Hi, Five years ago, I was really close to a female friend

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Hi,

Five years ago, I was really close to a female friend in which we were almost always together. I came to love her as a sister. I even helped her financially without asking for the money back (I gave it as gifts) because since she was divorce with two children, she was struggling at that time. We used to go out with other group of friends, including my ex-boyfriend. During that time frame, she used to act and say things a man in love would say to a woman. When it came the time to ask her on how she saw me; if she saw me like a friend or something else, she just told me don't think like that and made me feel like I was the one imagining things. I believe she was bisexual or something because she would say things like: I have feelings for you, why are you always with your boyfriend, I feel unloved because you have not called me..etc. One day she started crying over the phone because I told her that I wanted my space from her. She used to call me everyday at my cellphone, home, or work. The reason that I stop talking to her was because I felt that she was not fully honest with me, and I felt she had a hidden agenda towards me. I'm no longer on speaking terms with her; however, she always tries to know about me through other people such as my friends. I even distanced myself from other friends I had because she would also talk to them and I didn't wanted for her to know about my whereabouts. One of my friends informed me that she's always talking about me and that she sounds angry towards me. My question is this: why if she's angry with me, does she still asks about me and wants to know about my life? I've seen her in other places as well, and I just say hi to her and keep walking. Sometimes I feel like she's stalking me by snooping on me.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Louise Brady replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I am a qualified Mental Health Nurse and would be happy to help with your question.

It is possible that this lady was struggling with her own emotions and if indeed she is bisexual as you suggest then it may be that she may have not felt ready to share this with others.

From what you have described she sounded very confused and conflicted emotionally, by expressing that she had feeling for you and demonstrating in her actions that this was the case but then denying this when you confronted her she was either genuinely not bisexual or just very confused.

You say that she had been through a divorce and that you supported her through this both financially and emotionally. Divorce often leaves individuals feeling vulnerable and distressed and it’s possible that your kindness could have triggered an emotional response from her that represented all of the positive things that close relationships have to offer. This may have been extremely confusing for her particularly if she had not experienced these types of feelings towards another woman before.

Perhaps the reason for her anger is that she now feels rejected by you, obviously you had your reasons for ending the friendship however if she was experiencing romantic feelings towards you or even just platonic feelings then losing you from her support network could have triggered feeling of hurt and anger. Losing your friendship and the relationship that you had would have been distressing regardless of her sexuality.

If you really want to get some kind of closure on the situation then it may be worth having a discussion with her around what happened and why the friendship ended. If however you feel that things are better left as they are then perhaps it may be worth suggesting to mutual friends that they do not provide her with any information on your life or engage in any discussions around you.

I hope that this has been useful to you, please remember to rate my answer.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi,
Thanks for your response. I forgot to mention that, she recently said to a friend of mine that if we get back together, I was going to be the man. When I heard this I just laughed and was confused by her statement of saying this because we were only friends. This has never happened to me before from someone, and would like to know why would she say that?
Expert:  Louise Brady replied 1 year ago.
It sounds as though this lady does have feelings for you that surpass that of just friendship.

Her statement about you 'being the man' in the relationship could again be an indication of her reluctance to accept her sexuality and indicates that at present she finds it easier to identify with heterosexual relationships.

It must be extremely confusing for you to have her make these statements to your friends, particularly as you rightly say that you were not in a relationship.

Perhaps it may be worth confronting her about these statements and finding out her intentions.
Louise Brady, Registered Nurse
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 48
Experience: Registered Mental Health Nurse
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Louise Brady
Louise Brady
Mental Health Nurse
46 Satisfied Customers
Registered Mental Health Nurse