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4/ How do I deal with this short term and long term if I tell her or if I do not tell her?
5/ How do I escape the guilt and shame I feel? As I cry and cannot even look certain people in the eye anymore, as am that ashamed of myself.
6/ I want to hold her and hug her and kiss her and right now, I am trying to appear normal and show her what I was saying above about how much I love her and a new me, but right now all I feel that I do not deserve that closeness from her and that would be rewarding myself for bad behaviour. Is this a sign that I should tell her as she will eventually find out by my actions and I will tell on myself and or a sign that I may not be able to get over it and the quilt will eat me and us alive further harming her, myself and our relationship?
Am I betraying her trust further if I do not tell her?
Another counselor on here advised me not to tell her as that would be the real hurt and would cause further damage to the relationship at this point and would be selfish to tell her to ease my own mind. Why the conflicting views as I am so confused now?
So is it wrong if I choose not to tell her to save her from further pain and our marriage?
If I do tell her, should I spare the details and just keep to the facts as to not make it worse than it is, or should I tell all?
I have heard that or read on the forums that most people would choose not to know of something like this if it truly was a one time mistake and not an ongoing or repeatable thing and that it actually helped the marriage by making the other person realize that the love them and brings them closer and that by telling you actually can harm the other person more and the marriage may not have a hope and or ever be the same. I do not want to lose her or hurt her and or the marriage at all, so torn on what to do and I truly want to be close and have learned something from this silly stupid mistake on my part. I do not want to have it effect her as well or our marriage as well.